


Late in L.A.

by lateinLA



Category: Atypical (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Minor Evan Chapin/Casey Gardner, Minor Izzie/Nate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25204135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lateinLA/pseuds/lateinLA
Summary: Casey and Izzie are participating to a track competition hosted by UCLA. Several schools are invited, Newton included. The girls have in front of them an important opportunity for their future, while they also have to come to terms with what is happening between them.Fanfiction about Casey and Izzie from the show Atypical. Events in this story are supposed to happen after the season finale of Atypical season 2 ("Slurpee Night").This is a translation of the fanfiction I originally started publishing in Italian with the same title on another site.[Disclaimer: characters on this story belong to the show Atypical, created by Robia Rashid for Netflix]
Relationships: Casey Gardner/Izzie
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

**It was around midnight**

It was around midnight and the bright neon lights illuminated a room for four that smelled of alcohol, cheap laundry detergent and fruity perfume. Izzie was lying on her bed, the bottom bunk of one of the two bunk beds that the Clayton Prep track team had been assigned in a room of the UCLA campus dorm. Quinn sat on the top bunk on the opposite side of the room, chatting and laughing, a transparent bottle of vodka in her right hand. On a small sofa, Penelope was squeezed between two girls from EastProvidence High, the school that she attended for one year before moving to Connecticut with her parents and enrolling at Clayton. **  
**

The girls couldn't stop laughing as Penelope's friends were revealing some of her love life secrets from her times at East Providence.

"She really pushed the guy's ex-girlfriend into the pool, you know?" said one of them. She was short, with a squeaky voice and dyed platinum long hair.

"Well, what I was supposed to do? She was clearly trying to put herself between me and Matthew... no, Michael... God I don't even remember the name of the guy now!" said Penelope.

"Marcus!" the other East Providence girl shouted out loud, breaking out in another big laugh. The others giggled and Quinn's bulk bed structure shook as she leaned down on one side to pass the vodka bottle to the girls sitting on the sofa.

Izzie rolled her eyes, annoyed as Penelope started drinking from the bottle and chugged what was left.

"Don't worry, I have another one, pass me my backpack", Quinn said.

"Hey, girls. Maybe it's time to stop and go to bed. The race is tomorrow" said Izzie in a very low and quite hoarse voice. She had been silent for most of the evening, but her tone was firm.

"Come on Izzie, it's not even midnight and the race is in the afternoon. I just have one more bottle and there's five of us. It's going to get down quickly. You used to be up for these things".

"But I am the team captain now and we have the relay tomorrow. If you are going to be shit on track, you are going to impact all of us".

"Nah – Penelope chimed in – Newton is going to save our asses. She's one of the best in the country and she is running the last lap. And most likely she is not getting wasted right now".

"She's not here to get some sleep either..." Izzie let out in a whisper.

"Wait, who's this?" asked the short blonde with a squeaky voice.

"Newton? It's a girl on our team, her name is Casey Gardner. She arrived at Clayton last year from Newton High School. I hate saying this, but although she has the most out-fashioned shoes, she's way faster than all of us – Quinn explained, raising in the air the bottle of vodka she has just opened – To Newton, who is going to save our asses".

"Hey, have you seen, by the way, the muscles she has put on since she is at Clayton? Her calves and thighs are much more shaped now – said Penelope – Not that I am jealous of her times, but I wonder if she is taking some proteins or stuff like that".

"Why do you have to be a bitch for no reason? – Izzie interrupted her – I am sure she is not taking anything. If she was, it would show up on the antidoping test after the races. And by the way, she has always had toned muscles, I mean have you seen her abs?"

"Seems like someone has been spending a lot of time checking out Newton's abs in the changing rooms. Isn't it, captain?".

"Oh, shut up! - Izzie stood up from the bed and gave an angry look to Penelope. - I am going to find her now and we should all go to bed. I don't want us to fail the relay tomorrow just because you two had too much vodka and Newton got lost somewhere in the dorms". And with that, she threw a severe look at her teammates and stormed out of the room ignoring the other two girls.

"Sometimes you really have to be a bitch for no reason" Quinn said to Penelope tightening the cap on her unfinished bottle of vodka and hiding it under her pillow.

...

**The longest day**

The girls had travelled to Los Angeles for a track and field competition hosted by UCLA. For the college, this was mainly an opportunity to scout the best students for their future rosters, while the participating high school students had the occasion to check out the campus and the city and see if they liked it and wanted to apply there. Casey and Izzie had just started their third year, and even if college still seemed relatively far away, it was time for them to start thinking about where they would like to apply and check out their real chances to get admitted. Studying in Los Angeles was a dream for both of them, the long-distance separating California and Connecticut representing at the same time a worry and a relief.

That day, they were supposed to meet at the airport with Penelope and Quinn in the morning. In Connecticut, autumn had already started painting the leaves in red and yellow, and Izzie was wearing a red blazer when Doug came to pick her up in the morning. The Gardners seemed to care so much for that girl and were happy to treat Casey's friend as one of their own, knowing that otherwise no one from Izzie's family would wake up early to give her a ride to the airport. She took a seat on the back of the car and held Casey's gaze in the driving mirror during the ride, as Casey was sitting in front on the passenger's side while Doug was driving.

It had been a long summer. School had started again since a month or so, and silence had fell on the kiss that didn't happen at Casey's birthday party and the eternal moment spent holding hands in the same car Doug was now driving to take them to the airport.

The flight was supposed to be about six hours long and Casey fell asleep straight after boarding, her head resting on Izzie's shoulder while Izzie was very awake, excited at the idea of travelling such a long distance for the first time. She struggled to sneak her headphones out of her backpack without moving too much and waking up Casey, while Quinn and Penelope, sitting on the other side of the aisle, were chatting and complaining about the aircraft's seats, which didn't match the standard of the numerous international flights they had taken in the past. Izzie's mind was wandering between the thought of her siblings left alone with her grandma for a whole week and the not-so-hidden potential of the days that she had in front of her: she really wanted to get noticed by UCLA's scouts and make this a real possibility for her future. Lost in her thoughts, she rested her right cheek on Casey's head, which was still lying on her shoulder. While the music played on in her headphones and the plane started its descent into L.A., Izzie thought about how many times the opposite had happened in Casey's room. When Evan wasn't around as he was working at Don's, they would start watching a movie and she would fall asleep on Casey's shoulder after another tiring day spent studying, training or looking after her siblings. Falling asleep in Casey's bed was sweet and comforting. Izzie thought that she really needed a friend like Casey in the total mess of what her life had been so far, and it was bittersweet to admit that it was already too late to consider what she felt for Casey a friendship feeling. As the red lights switched on right above their seats, Izzie fastened her safety belt. She fastened Casey's one too.

When the plane touched the ground, Casey woke up. Yawning and blinking with sticky eyelashes, she couldn't help joking about the drool stain she had left on Izzie's Clayton hoodie.

"God, when I'm not around small children, there is always you, Newton". She said, giving a condescending look to Casey. But as Casey looked down to grab her backpack under the seat in front of hers, Izzie smiled to herself biting her lower lip.

As the four girls disembarked the plane, Izzie followed Quinn and Penelope to the restrooms, to put some make up on, and as soon as she did that Casey snorted and said to the girls "I have something more important to do, I'll catch up with you when you are done".

As the other three came out of the restrooms, they found Casey devouring a sandwich with a satisfied smirk on her face.

"Move on girls! The bus won't wait!" coach Crowley called as the four of them had just finished collecting their luggage. A white minibus with the UCLA logo was waiting for them in the airport's parking and Izzie and Casey jumped on and took a seat in the back. Izzie started to feel very sleepy, but Casey wanted to keep her awake to enjoy her company, so she offered her one of her Airpods to listen to some music together. As Casey tried to stick it in Izzie's ear almost caressing her cheek, the earbud fell right on Izzie's thighs. Casey instinctively reached out for it, lightly touching her friend, who turned around looking out of the window, biting her lip and feeling her cheeks burning. The landscape outside was just a massive highway, and as Izzie pretended to look out of the window but was in fact staring at the void, Casey kept on scrolling her phone with her right hand while resting the left one on Izzie's thigh.

As the minibus started approaching UCLA campus, Izzie had a glimpse at the screen of Casey's phone.

****

Izzie had totally forgotten that Casey's old friends from Newton would also be in L.A. for the competition and she suddenly realized that she would have to compete with Sharice for Casey's time.

"Hey, do you want to do something with Sharice and my other friends from Newton this afternoon?" Casey asked her, turning off the music.

Izzie looked at her trying to hide her disappointment. "Not really – she said – it's almost lunch time already. I was just hoping to relax and check out the beach. You know that coach wants us to train in the late afternoon, in preparation of tomorrow's relay. Do you really want to go with them?"

"Well, I was hoping to make the most of our days here, Izzie. It's the first time I come to L.A. Plus, I haven't seen Sharice in ages and I promised Evan I would buy something for him downtown."

Izzie could contemplate the idea of going with them if it was just about sharing Casey with Sharice, but definitely she would not spend her afternoon looking for a present for Evan.

"I think I'll go check out the beach with Penelope and Quinn then. Guess I'll see you at training Newton".

"Seriously, you are not coming?"

"I am not. And remember, we are here for the race and you are our best runner". Izzie threw in a compliment as she was trying to make Casey change her mind by flattering her.

"I'm here for Los Angeles!" Casey replied, her eyes shining at the idea.

It clearly didn't work.

When they arrived at campus, the two girls got off the bus and were shown the room they would share with Quinn and Penelope. Two bulk beds were waiting for them on the two sides, a small sofa and a low table were right in front of them, and opposite to the door was a small balcony.

The four girls let their bags fall on the floor. Quinn took out a bottle of vodka and quickly put it into the minibar. "Well, it's not much but we'll make it work – she said – Beach?"

...

Izzie was the last one to go to the bathroom to get changed before going out. She came back to the room in a brick red bikini and stepped barefoot towards Penelope asking her "Will you be bringing sunscreen? I think it's better if we do".

Casey suddenly stopped looking at her phone and started staring at Izzie instead. She could not take her eyes off her and suddenly felt the urgency to take off her hoodie as it was too hot in the room. Izzie kept pretending to be interested in the pointless conversation she was having with Penelope about sunscreen lotions, but she could feel Casey's gaze on her and decided to wait another couple of minutes before grabbing the shorts and the top from her bed and quickly putting them on. She returned Casey's gaze for just ten seconds, holding a hairpin between her lips while tiding her hair. Then she turned to Penelope and Quinn again saying "Girls, let's go?"

"You coming, Newton?" asked Quinn, stepping besides her in a short dress.

"Not really, no. I am going to meet with some of my old friends from Newton. They are also here for the race. I'll meet you later at the track".

"Make sure you don't get lost! Have fun!" said Penelope, closing the door behind her.

Izzie had already left the room, without saying goodbye. Air-con started giving her goosebumps, and Casey put her hoodie back on. 

Going to the beach with Quinn and Penelope was not that bad but wasn't even fun. The more Izzie tried to get distracted by their random chats, the more she was tempted to scroll her phone to check out Casey and Sharice's Instagram posts.

Izzie tried to click on Evan's page to see what he was doing when Casey was not around, but he had a private profile. She listened to Penelope and Quinn as they talked about the boys that they were hoping to hook up with during that week, where they would have liked to go shopping and what they really thought about studying at UCLA.

"I think I really like Los Angeles, I had already been a couple of times with my parents – said Penelope – but I see myself more as an East Coast person, to be honest".

"Yeah, same – Quinn replied – and by the way given the standards of their track team I think that if one of us stands a chance to get in that would be Newton anyway".

"Hate to say it, but yes, you are right".

Izzie didn't say anything. Playing with her hair, she just looked at the ocean in front of them and took another sip of her milkshake.

...

**Back to where we started, meaning around midnight**

Izzie had left the room and she was quite in a mood after Penelope's joke. She was motivated to find Casey and was hoping that her teammates would stop drinking, throw out the two girls from East Providence, and go to bed in the meanwhile. She was mad at them for not taking the real reason of their trip seriously but was also mad at Casey for not having replied a single text for the whole day.

Casey had just shown up at training in the late afternoon and then said she had promised her Newton friends to meet them again for dinner as her ex-coach had invited her to. "Perfect timing to bond with a rival team!" Izzie had thought, but more than that she now felt a mix of angst and disappointment knowing that their first day in L.A. was already behind them and they had wasted it by not being together. And it seemed like Casey didn't even care.

Thinking that Casey was probably hanging out in one of the Newton girl's room, she decided to go find her. She was pretty sure that the Newton's girls were staying on the same floor as them as she had seen a dark green hoodie with an owl on a chair on one of the balconies, so she just moved forward on the corridor hoping to hear Casey's voice behind one of the doors. As she took a turn on the left, she finally saw Casey sitting on the floor, her back on the wall behind her, looking at her phone. She was wearing her black running shorts, a pair of Adidas thongs, and a yellow Lakers jersey. The jersey was definitely at least an L size and had massive armholes, so Izzie could take a glimpse at the black sports bra she was wearing underneath. As she came closer, she noticed that Casey had her Airpods on. So, most likely, she had not heard her approaching. She just sat in front of her, on the opposite side of the corridor, and waited for Casey to stop looking at her phone. She removed her earbuds as she saw Izzie.

"I thought you were shopping something for Evan?" said Izzie hinting at the jersey.

"I actually ended up buying only stuff for myself. The jersey was too cool, and I ran out of money".

"And what are you doing here?"

"I got out of Sharice's room to answer a call from Evan. Then I decided to stay out a couple more minutes to check my phone".

Izzie felt almost relieved at the idea that Casey had not bought anything for Evan, but was still angry. Casey didn't seem to notice and just randomly said: "You didn't post anything today. How was your day?".

"Me? You know I don't post that much on social media. I did nothing special – Izzie replied and started biting her lips – I am just worried about tomorrow's race".

Casey shook her head and took a deeper look at her. Same black running shorts that she was wearing, short sleeves Clayton t-shirt, wavy dark hair, shiny earrings, make up still on. She felt like she had just allowed herself to properly look Izzie in the eye for the first time during that day. After all those hours spent with the Newton team, she had felt so dragged into her old life that she had almost forgotten that she had started the day sleeping on Izzie's shoulder on the plane from Connecticut. As she thought about that moment, she realized that she was staring at Izzie. 

"What?" Izzie said.

"Nothing"

"Then stop staring at me".

"..."

"Hey, why did you ignore me for the whole day?" Izzie finally let out.

"I asked you to come out with me and Sharice, but you didn't want to!"

"And the texts?"

"You know I was with them. I don't check my phone all the time".

"How can you travel across the country for a track competition and spend the whole day with another team?"

Izzie knew she sounded mad and that the excuse of the rivalry between the teams was bullshit. In fact, Casey didn't buy it.

"Sure, as if you cared about hanging out with Quinn and Penelope".

"Whatever you say, Newton".

Izzie just stood up and leaned against the wall, biting her lip. Casey stood up as well, got closer and gave her a smirk.

"Are you going to sleep with your Clayton shirt now? It suddenly seems that you are so dedicated to the cause".

Izzie didn't know what to answer and looked away.

Casey understood that enough is enough. "I'll just say goodnight to the Newton girls and join you in our room soon. I promise I won't be late. We have a race tomorrow", she said. Then she looked up, said goodnight to Izzie giving her a salute, and slowly made her way further down the corridor, without looking back.

Number 24 made its bold display on the back of her jersey, and it felt as if she was already part of Los Angeles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R.I.P. Kobe.
> 
> Hope you liked it.


	2. Chapter 2

**The last one hundred meters**

Izzie was getting closer and closer. She had a tense, concentrated expression on her face. She stretched her arm out to hand her the baton. Casey grabbed it and started running. Izzie didn't let out her usual shout of encouragement, but it didn't matter. The only important thing was running. It was the last one hundred meters, the moment that could decide everything.

Casey started her leg of the relay in the fifth position. It was not a great starting point, but she imagined that it would be that way since when she had seen Quinn running. Having Quinn running the first leg normally guaranteed the team a strong start, but that day she had been looking tired since the early afternoon, when they regrouped. Compared to her usual competition mood, she looked out of shape and distracted, dark circles badly concealed, hair tied with a sober black band. These details could not be ignored: when she had registered her best performances in the past, Quinn had always shown up on track with perfect make up, and her nail polish and hairband matched with the colors of the Clayton logo. As she finished the first leg in the seventh position out of twelve, Quinn had passed the baton on to Penelope before bending forward, hands on her knees, watching the rest of the race with a disappointed look on her face.

Penelope at school always acted as if she didn't care much about track and field but, deep down, she hated losing. She was clearly anxious about the fact that she had kicked off the second leg of the relay with a strong disadvantage compared to her direct opponents. So, she tried to push since the first meters in order to gain some positions and get the team back on track for victory. But towards the end of her one hundred meters, it looked as if she had started slowing down, and she didn't manage to overtake the girl in front of her. Most likely, she had pushed too hard on her legs, and she had not managed to keep the same speed until the very end. She handed over the baton to Izzie giving her a sorry, desperate look.

When Izzie started running, she looked gloomy. She didn't think too much about managing her energies, and she overtook two girls before leaving the last one hundred meters in Casey's hands. Seeing Izzie so tense and focused on the objective made Casey motivated, but also scared.

Casey didn't want to undermine Izzie's effort and she felt that she could still win the race. She overtook the first girl on her right and found herself with three girls still ahead of her, one of them from Newton. She knew her quite well and could bet on the fact that she could never kept her rhythm. She overtook her after about thirty-five meters, convincing herself that getting a spot on the podium and ending the race better positioned than Newton would already be enough to grant her forgiveness from Izzie for what had happened the previous day. There were seventy meters left, to go get the first place. At the beginning of the L.A. trip, Casey was happy to be far from her family for a few days, but now she would have liked to hear Elsa and Doug's voices coming from the public. Then she heard coach Crowley shouting "Come on!" and noticed that the girl in the third position didn't seem to be that far anymore.

Her legs started moving faster while in her head scenes from the previous day started playing. Doug's car in a cold autumn morning, Izzie's excited look in the rear-view mirror, falling asleep on her shoulder, the six hours flight, the song they were listening to on the bus. Fifty meters.

The sensation of having done something wrong the moment when, on the bus, Izzie told her that she would not spend the afternoon with her, the sad look she gave her in the dorm's corridor the previous night, the thought that maybe she should apologize to her. Twenty meters. 

One last girl with a pink shirt was left between her and the first place. Casey wanted to win the race not to disappoint Izzie, more than for herself. Her opponent, a tall and skinny girl, was really fast, but Casey's desire to win was stronger. As she leant forward to cross the finish line and looked at the referee, realizing she had won, she quickly turned around clenching her firsts and letting out a scream of celebration.

Penelope and Quinn, who had followed the rest of the race standing next to the track, feeling guilty and hoping that their poor result could be overturned, suddenly ran towards her to hug her.

"I knew it! – Penelope shouted – You are a phenomenon!"

"Yasss Newtonnn!" echoed Quinn.

Casey hugged her back, happy for the win but indifferent to their enthusiasm. She was looking for Izzie's eyes behind them. She finally saw her while, at a distance, she lowered her arms, which she had risen in sign of silent celebration. Then she saw her gesticulating to the coach while touching her knee.   
  
  


...  
  
  


**A step back to the first night**

"Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back" Casey thought, walking down the corridor as she was going to say goodnight to Sharice and the other girls before returning to her room. The price tag still hanging from the Lakers jersey stung her back. She didn't have the courage to admit in front of Izzie that in fact she had bought that jersey for Evan, she was only wearing it that night because it was too tempting, and she could not resist. She felt Izzie's eyes on her. In a way, she was hoping that Izzie would call her and ask her to come back and talk, because she had the sensation that something was still missing in the way they had wrapped up their conversation. On the other hand, she imagined that Izzie would not be the first one to reopen the conversation. Although Casey was not completely clear on the reason, she knew that Izzie was waiting for an apology.

Izzie kept standing next to the wall and watched Casey walk up to the end of the corridor. Understanding which was Sharice's room could become useful information for the next few days. She felt defeated, Casey had not understood the reason of her anger and in the following days would have kept hurting her without even noticing. She saw Casey knocking on the last door and felt her eyes filling with tears. When someone let Casey in, Izzie turned away and started walking to her room.   
  
  


"Hey Sharice, I just wanted to say goodnight - said Casey, entering her old friend's room – I'm, like, super tired. I am going back to my room with my teammates and then I'll go to bed. I am going to kick your asses on track tomorrow!"

"Sure! In your dreams! – Sharice replied – Let's see how good your Miss Private School friends are in the relay".

Casey didn't feel like counterattacking, especially because in that very moment she couldn't care less about the race. She waved goodbye to the other girls and stepped back towards the door. Sharice followed her, standing with her on the doorstep.

"Everything good, Casey? You are acting weird. Did you have a fight with Evan during your phone call?"

"What? – Casey replied, suddenly reminding of Evan's existence – No, absolutely not. He's fine. He's not working at Don's tonight, so he went to the movies with Beth".

"Ok, so what happened? – Sharice insisted – You were not like this half an hour ago when you left the room".

"It's nothing, Sharice, really".

"Casey? We have known each other for a million years. Tell me the truth because I will get to it on my own anyway".

"Nothing. I met Izzie in the corridor, she was looking for me. She wanted me to go back to our room, the others are going to sleep. They don't want to be too tired since we have the race tomorrow".

"You don't have to get back to their room if you don't want to. You are able to manage your energies on your own. I remember that we had some crazy nights at Newton, before track races. And the following day you were still running like Bolt".

"You are right, Sharice. But it's not this..."

"Then what?"

"Nothing. I am going to bed now".

Casey left the room and walked slowly through the corridor. Sharice closed the door behind her. She was sure that something was not right, but Casey didn't want to tell her the truth. She knew that the first months at Clayton had not been easy for Casey, and most likely her relationship with the new teammates was still complicated. Sharice was convinced that Casey didn't want to expose herself too much on this topic, after what she and the other Newton girls had put her through when they had discovered she was about to leave their school. They wanted her to feel guilty for joining Clayton. Since then, the topic of switching schools had become a black hole in their friendship, a wound that had not completely healed yet. Sharice attributed Casey's mood swing to this, and went back to her room, ready to concede herself another couple of hours of fun with the other girls before going to bed.  
  
  


Casey opened the door of her room, trying not to make too much noise. The lights were off already, only a white ray of light filtered through the curtains. The other girls seemed to be asleep, or, at least, none of them moved or talked to acknowledge her presence.

She washed her face with ice cold water, trying to wash her thoughts away, and then she moved towards the small sofa, her bare feet on the cold floor. Her back to the beds, she put her bag on the couch, looking for her pyjama. She took off the Lakers jersey, carefully folding it and putting it in the bag. Then she took of her bra and her shorts, wearing her pj's instead. Finally, she approached the bulk bed. She was supposed to sleep on the bed above Izzie's.

She had just put her hands on the ladder, when her eyes alighted on Izzie, and for a moment she felt a disturbing sensation at the idea of having to climb on the upper bed instead of getting into the lower bed next to her. She stopped for a moment and stared at her, then she caressed her cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Happy to have been able to do it without waking her up, Casey put a foot on the ladder and started climbing to her bed. Izzie opened her eyes, biting her lip, as she heard Casey making herself comfortable on the upper bed. She was scared that hearing her heartbeat accelerating would reveal to Casey that she was just pretending to be asleep.   
  
  


Casey was staring at the ceiling, trapped in her own thoughts. She could not accept the idea that Izzie would put up such a scene for the race. It was just the relay, after all. The occasion to really shine would come up with the individual races in the following days. And, in the end, they were also there to have fun. In the previous days they had made so many plans about this trip to L.A., and Izzie had not given her the impression of wanting to spend much time with Quinn and Penelope.

As Casey started counting the small cracks on the walls, her mind was wondering about the reason for Izzie's anger, and the more she tried to push that idea away, the more she could not stop thinking about it. Between them, there was _that thing_. _That thing_ was so exciting, hypnotizing, and sometimes it hid, but never went away completely. Some months before, at her birthday party, they had almost kissed. The night before summer holidays, they held hands in her car. She could not be able to say for how long, but she knew the atmosphere was electric. Casey had kept on thinking about it for the whole summer, but she had closed those thoughts in a box the moment Izzie, during their first run together after the holidays, had told her how beautiful and easy it was to have a friend like her. But since then, the moments when _that thing_ had come to the surface again had multiplied. She knew falling asleep would be almost impossible, and suddenly she just wanted to go home and spend time with Evan. With him, everything was so reassuring, clear and easy. In the silent room, she perceived a movement in the bed below hers. Izzie was tossing and turning in bed. A doubt crossed Casey's mind: what if she had been awake all the time?  
  
  


...  
  
  


**A party after each race**

A party after each race, it's what UCLA highlighted on the agenda for the week, and that was one of the reasons why the girls couldn't wait to go to Los Angeles. On the massive terrace of one of the bars of the campus, Casey was drinking a gin tonic while silently complimenting herself for her own outfit: shorts, oversize shirt and her favourite sneakers. The classic look that Elsa would comment with an "is it really a good idea going to a party dressed like that?". This type of remark usually made Casey even prouder of her taste in fashion. She had arrived at the party with Penelope and Quinn, as Izzie had told them to start going ahead without her, because she needed more time to get ready. She hadn't been particularly warm with Casey after the relay and Casey didn't know what to expect for that evening. As she lost Penelope and Quinn in the crowd after few minutes, Casey found Sharice, who also disappeared after a quick chat, looking for a random guy that apparently had promised to buy her a drink.

Left alone, with her back leaning on the terrace's banister, Casey took her phone out of her pocket, suddenly bored and anguished at the idea that Izzie could have changed her mind regarding attending the party.

Casey finally saw Izzie close to the bar counter and put her phone back in her pocket. Izzie was wearing a short black skirt, a dark orange top, and a pair of hoop earrings. Casey tried to move forward in the crowd to get closer to the bar and say hi, but she bumped into a girl from Newton that stopped her to congratulate about the race.

"There is something I don't get, though – said the girl – Why were your teammates shouting Newton when you won?"

"That's how they call me" Casey replied, mumbling and already looking behind the back of the girl, towards Izzie, who was leaning on the counter and waiting for a drink, while a tall guy with a backwards baseball cap was getting closer to her. Casey could not see his face, but Izzie was looking at him as if she knew him, playing with her hair. For a moment, Casey had the impression that she was leaning towards him, and suddenly she felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. But straight afterwards, she realized that Izzie was just leaning forward to grab the glass that the bartender was handing her with a smile. The guy with the baseball cap was about to put an arm around her waist to escort her to the dancefloor, but Izzie pulled away and waved in Casey's direction. "Newton! – then, turning to the boy – Sorry, I was waiting for my friend".

He turned towards the counter with an annoyed look on his face, and a moment later Casey and Izzie were arm in arm.

"I saved you, hum?" Casey said with a smirk.

"Why do you say so? He was quite hot!"

Casey gave Izzie a not so convinced look.

"Ok, ok. I was trying to find a way to get rid of him. I'm done with boys for a while. Luckily you saw me and came to rescue me".

"You are welcome – Casey replied – Shall we dance?"  
  
  


The dancefloor at the centre of the bar was crowded with people. Casey abandoned her empty glass on a table and randomly searched for Izzie's hand behind her own back. As Izzie grabbed her hand, she started heading towards the centre of the dancefloor, dragging her among the bodies moving. She turned back and Izzie looked at her with sparkling eyes. Casey felt as if she was about to learn to fly. Everything was now so different compared to the previous night, when _that thing_ between her and Izzie had only caused anger and tension. Now it was still there, but while Izzie approached her dancing and trying to lock eyes, _that thing_ made her feel butterflies in her stomach.

_I don't wanna take from you_

_I don't need an I.O.U._

_Keep your pockets superglued_

_I got nothing, you got nothing_

Izzie got closer, their legs were almost touching while their arms were moving around their bodies, following the beat of the music, still hesitating to make any further move.

_Be my Yoko Ono Muse,_

_Serotonin, bullet proof_

Izzie closed her eyes, Casey was ready to rest her hands on her hips, in a moment that seemed to last forever.

_Never better, never blue_

_I got nothing, you got nothing_   
  
  


"Hey, girls!"

Within a second, everything melted. Until a moment earlier, it was as if they were alone. Now they were on a dancefloor crowded with dozens of boys and girls. Izzie stepped back, eyes glued to the floor in order to hide her sudden blushing.

Casey stepped back too, giving an awkward look to Penelope and Quinn, who were squeezed in tiny dresses and looked pretty tipsy already. Quinn was barefoot, her posh high heels sandals abandoned somewhere.

"I know – said Quinn – I shouldn't have worn heels".

Penelope gave her a nudge.

"We could not find you – she said, trying to hide her embarrassment – We are going to get something to drink, do you want to come?"

Casey looked at Izzie with an inquiring look. Izzie barely lifted her eyes and shook her head.

"We are ok, thanks" answered Casey, hoping that would be enough to see them leave.

_I don't need it, a car to drive alone_

_I don't need it, a house that ain't no home_

When, finally, Quinn and Penelope left and approached the counter, Casey got closer to Izzie and whispered in her hear "Hey, are you ok? You sure you don't want anything?"

Izzie took a step back and, staring at the void behind Casey's shoulders, said "I need to drink, but just water. My knee is hurting, I am going back to our room".

_I need you, on the passenger side_

_A house gets cold with nobody inside_

Casey was disappointed at the idea of having to leave the party, but something between her and Izzie had just got broken again and the only way of fixing it was getting to their room and spend some alone time with her.

"I'll come with you", she said, and grabbing her hand again she started to make her way back across the crowd.

_Some shit I just don't need in life_

_But I need you_   
  
  


Izzie held her hand, feeling protected by the absence of bright lights, while they stepped next to Penelope on their way to the exit. Their teammate was now chatting with the guy with the backwards baseball cap, their faces at a two centimetres distance from each other.

The two girls left the semi-darkness of the bar and kept holding hands as they walked through the empty campus paths, to then let each other's hand go as they entered the dorm, illuminated by the neon lights and surprised by the sudden cold air coming from the air-con. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are here, you know the song.
> 
> Hope you liked it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ice**

As soon as they reached their room, Izzie took a plastic bag from her backpack and handed it to Casey, letting herself fall onto the bed. "Could you fill this with ice?", she said.

Casey left the room and walked down the corridor, towards the water and ice dispenser. Halfway through the corridor, she ran into a couple who was clearly going to the party. The two quickly walked past her, giggling enthusiastically. Casey pressed the button on the machine and a dozen of ice cubes noisily fell into the steel bucket. Casey let them slip into the plastic bag and tied it up. Her hands frozen, she took a seat on the bed next to Izzie, handing her the bag.

"Wait – Izzie said, standing up from the bed – I'm going to get changed, first".

Casey took her phone out of her pocket, pretending to be watching the screen, while out of the corner of her eye she saw Izzie next to the sofa, taking off her skirt and the orange top and quickly putting on some shorts and the grey t-shirt she was sleeping in the previous night.

"Newton! – Izzie said, looking in Casey's direction again – Don't put the ice bag on my bed! The sheets will never dry!"

"Oh shit! I'm sorry!" Casey replied, taking in her hands the plastic bag full of ice cubes.

Izzie gestured to invite her to sit on the balcony, and walked towards the large windows, with a slight limp. Casey turned off the room's lights and followed her. Reached exclusively by the light of a streetlamp, the balcony was overlooking a quiet area of the campus' garden. The view from there included the local football team's banners, the perfect lawn, and tall California palms.

Casey dragged the coffee table in front of Izzie's chair and invited her to rest her legs. Izzie stretched the leg with the aching knee on the low table and Casey handed her the ice bag. Izzie reached out with one hand to take it, lightly touching Casey's hand, which was now insensitive due to the cold.

"I never congratulated you for the race", Izzie said, keeping her eyes on her own knee.

"Well, modestly... - Casey gave her a smirk. – You were great as well though. You helped us gaining back some positions. If it were for Penelope and Quinn..."

"Tell me about it. Last night they had too much vodka, and this is the result".

"But they didn't go to bed too late. When I came back to our room, you were all sleeping".

Izzie nodded, but stayed silent.

"But what happened to your knee?" Casey asked.

"Nothing, it's just aching a little. I pushed too hard", Izzie replied.

"You still running tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I will".

"Are you sure? When I was at Newton, once I felt my knee aching after a race, and I still kept training the following days. In the end, I got injured, inflamed tendon. I had to stop running for two months. When I had the medical check where I received the diagnosis, they told me that I would only make it worse if I continued running".

"Don't worry", Izzie replied, staring at the garden in front of her.

"Look at me – Casey tried to get her attention, touching Izzie's arm with her hand to make her turn – I am serious about this. If you push too hard and get injured, the risk is that you are not going to be able to run for a while when we get home".

"If it's enough to get enrolled at UCLA, it can still be worth", Izzie said, looking into her eyes this time.

Casey remained silent for at least thirty seconds, then asked her: "Do you really want to come and study here?"

"Maybe it's not the same thing for you, Newton. But for me, it is important to get a scholarship and have the opportunity to study away from home. This is the reason why I try so hard not to bring my family problems into my school life, do the best that I can during track races, get good grades. A scholarship is my only chance to get away from my family. Not that I want to run away from my siblings, though..."

"I know". Casey interrupted her; she didn't want to make her feel guilty for what she had just said.

"... but I can't keep on living with my mother and her boyfriend. They let me take care of my siblings and take it for granted, while they carry on with their lives. But I don't want to be like them, living out of the unemployment benefit, only taking some random jobs here and there, getting so wasted that they'd fall asleep on the sofa three times a week, not being able to look after their own kids, to the point that they always have to count on other people for that, like my grandma or me.

If I ever want to achieve anything in my life, I need to get a scholarship for college and leave as soon as possible. It's just about holding on for another couple of years..."

"And what about the kids?" Casey asked.

"My grandma is still in good health and in two years Jack will be fourteen. It's the same age I was when I started taking care of the others. They will all be a bit older by then. It will be about time that..."

"...that they understand you have already done enough for the rest of your family".

"Exactly".

Izzie looked down again, moving the ice bag on the right side of her knee. The ice cubes were now melting, those still in shape were floating in the water that was filling the bag.

"I am not sure I want to come and study here – Casey said – It's very far from Elsa, which is definitely a plus. But it takes a super long flight to come here, dad and Sam would not be able to come and visit me very often, and even for me it would be complicated to get home more than once or twice during the year".

"If there is just one person from Clayton who can make it into UCLA, that's you, Casey".

"Casey?"

"I can't keep on calling you Newton when we'll be at college".

"Why not?"

"Because that it's how it works..."

Casey stopped with one finger a drop of cold water that was slowly falling down Izzie's knee. Then she moved the ice bag to see if the knee seemed swollen. Izzie could barely feel Casey's finger on her skin, now cold and insensitive on the area where the ice bag laid.

Then, she turned to Casey. "Hey, do you think that Quinn and Penelope understood?"

"Understood what?"

...

**Rhode Island (a.k.a. Izzie's summer)**

Summer was Izzie's favourite season. It was the only time of the year when she was not forced to keep up with the image of herself that she had built at Clayton. She spent every school year counting the days that were separating her from that July morning when Rose, her grandma, would get her and her siblings in a car and drive towards the cosy house she owned in a small town by the sea, in Rhode Island.

Every winter, Rose was entertaining the idea of selling the house. She didn't manage to go very often, as she preferred to stay in Connecticut to look after her nephews and check on her daughter, hoping that she would not get lost in the maze of her debauched life. Izzie regularly managed to make her grandma change her mind, begging her to keep the house and promising her that she would help her with maintenance works the following summer. Spending some energy in order save the house from saltness and dust was just a small price to pay in exchange for two months of peace, runs on the shore and time for herself, given that during the summer her grandma was taking care of the kids one hundred per cent. During those two months, Izzie could just be a teenager like all the others: she didn't have to cook for her siblings, do the laundry, make sure that her mom paid all the bills. She was grateful to Rose because she was convinced that her grandma kept on doing all of this mainly for her.

Finn was from Rhode Island, during the summer he used to work at his father's convenience shop, not far from where Izzie and her grandma lived. They had known each other since they were kids, but they only met during the summer.

"Hey, glad to have you back!" he waved at Izzie when she went to his shop for the first time that year. It was the first week of July.

"Finn! I imagined I would find you here. How are you doing?" Izzie replied.

"See? Nothing ever changes in this place" he said with a smile.

In fact, Izzie thought, something had changed. Finn had always been tall, but his arms and shoulders seemed much more athletic and toned now, quite a difference from the skinny kid with a slightly curved back that she remembered. His hazel eyes and the forelock of brown hair were still the same, though.

"I like to come back every summer and realize that nothing has changed here. It's the thing I like most about this place" Izzie said.

"Maybe that seems cool only to those who just come here on holidays – he replied with a smile. – There is a small news though: dad and I have bought a new boat. Fancy a boat trip one of these days?"

Izzie was going around the shelves of the small convenience store, looking for some things that Rose had asked her to buy. While she pretended to be very focused on her shopping list, she was silently thinking about Finn's invite. He was only two years older than her. When they were kids, they used to play together on the beach. Izzie had been on his father's boat so many times and, as they grew up, since Finn was a little older, hanging out with him in the small fishermen's village had always made her feel protected. Finn was always walking her home when they went out with other friends for an ice cream, even if the small town was very quiet and not dangerous at all. Summer after summer, Finn was always there for her, to help her changing the tires of her old bike, to give her and Rose a hand painting the walls of their ageing house, to carry groceries home when the bags were too heavy. One night, when Izzie was about twelve, she had gone out with Finn and other friends they met every summer, mainly the kids of Connecticut or New York families who used to spend their holidays in Rhode Island. They got drunk for the first time, courtesy of a gin bottle that an older guy had brought to the beach that evening. When Finn walked Izzie home, their bikes brought by hand not to take any risk given their precarious balance, he stamped a kiss on her lips. She let her mouth open, and that was how her first real kiss happened.

They never spoke about that episode again, preferring not to ruin their friendship and pretending that it had just been the result of too much gin. Few days later, Izzie returned to Connecticut, for the first school year after her dad's departure from home, meaning the start of the most complicated part of her life.

"Izzie"?

Finn's voice brought her back to reality, but she still did not know how to interpret his invite. Until the previous summer, she would have not given it a second thought: she was dating Nate and Finn knew about it, they were just hanging out as friends and everything was clear. Now she wasn't dating anyone and still had plenty to figure out with regards to her current feelings, even if Finn could not know that. Hanging out with Finn could be a pleasant distraction, but it would be easy to take a false step if her childhood friend was hiding other intentions. According to what she knew, in fact, Finn wasn't dating anyone.

"I have promised my grandma to help her with something at home, these days. Last winter some spots of moisture came out, you know how it is..." she said. She needed more time to think about it. In the meanwhile, she got closer to the checkout and her restless gaze was moving between the articles she had purchased and Finn's hands.

"Mmm, next week then? It would be a real pleasure for me" he insisted.

"Can I let you know later?"

"Sure – he finally said, checking out the last articles. – It's thirty-two dollars and fifty".

Izzie handed him the money avoiding to look at him and then she walked out of the shop with a kind but cold smile on her face.

"And call me if you need help with the... moisture", Finn added, while the shop's exit door closed behind Izzie.

That night, Izzie had taken the stairs to find herself in her room around eleven, but still she was struggling to fall asleep. The best thing of her grandma's house in Rhode Island was the fact that she could finally have a room for herself. Mia and Jack, seven and twelve years old, were sleeping in a bulk bed in the room next to hers, on the second floor. Jayden, who was now eighteen months old and was only a half-brother for Izzie and the others, being the son of her mom and one of her recent boyfriends, was sleeping in a smaller bed in Rose's room, so that she could take care of him if needed, freeing Izzie from this responsibility.

Izzie always appreciated that sense of freedom. In that quiet room she could finally listen to music, read, exchange text messages with Nate and her friends until late at night without disturbing anyone. But that summer she knew she would have to go through many sleepless nights. Her mind kept going back to Casey. Casey whom she missed so desperately, with whom she had never talked about that almost-kiss and that night spent holding hands in Doug's car. She had never imagined she could feel that kind of emotions for a girl, but the more she thought about it and the more she had to surrender to the idea: she liked Casey, and a lot. But Casey was dating Evan. Actually, she was in love with him, she had said it multiple times. The only two occasions Izzie had were gone, and then summer arrived and now she was in this limbo and the easiest thing to do was pushing these feelings away.

The two girls did not chat every day, and Izzie was trying to avoid social networks, not to fall into a spiral of jealousy and depression. But after having succeeded in not looking at her phone since lunchtime, she could not resist any longer.

There it was. This was hurting her the most, knowing that while she was going through sleepless nights and spending her days running on the shore and swimming for hours to clear her thoughts, Casey was at home hanging out with Evan all day and most likely spending the night at his place quite often. Izzie preferred to push away the idea and all the images that could then come up in her mind.

Maybe there was only one remedy to all this pain.

The following day, Izzie met Finn at the time agreed. She had chosen a simple outfit, after all it was just a boat trip and Finn had been one of her childhood friends. After having played on the beach with her for years, he would not be disappointed if she wore dungarees and sneakers. Finn was waiting for her on the pier, wearing sunglasses, a white polo and a light blue baseball cap that Izzie took from him right away, then wearing it herself, backwards.

"Mischievous as you were as child – he said, letting her keep the baseball cap.- I'll set the boat ready, just give me a couple of minutes".

He headed to a fisherman's cabin and came back with a folding chair, on which Izzie sat to admire him while he was preparing the small boat for the trip. The engine had just started to make some noise when Finn, coming back to the pier, took a picture of her with his phone, saying: "You look gorgeous today. Shall we go? It's been a while since our last chat. Time for a long overdue catch-up!"

"Sure! And what about the picture you just took, will you send it to me?" Izzie asked, thinking that impressing Finn had been too easy already. Few moments after receiving the image from him, she posted it on Instagram. She rarely posted pictures, but she was too eager to let someone in particular know that she was going on a boat trip with Finn.

The afternoon had passed by really quickly, between splashes of salty water and uninterrupted chats. Finn had taken the boat to a small bay otherwise inaccessible. There, he had let the boat run aground on the beach, and they had spent hours chatting in the shadows of the trees, whose branches extended towards the shore. They had not seen each other for one year and had so much to talk about. Among the complains about her mother, the news about her progress on track races and the not-so-fun tales of her stressing driving school lessons, Izzie told Finn about the end of her relationship with Nate, carefully avoiding to talk about Casey in detail.

"He tried to kiss _one of my friends_ ". That is what she said.

"Well, anyway – Finn replied – you never seemed to be much into him. It's easy to say it now, I know. But when you talked about him, I don't know... There was no sparkle in your eyes. It looked as if you were dating him as a routine thing, without being in love with him. Not even close to being in love, in fact".

Izzie felt as if she just got hit and sunk. It was so true. But if it had been so obvious for Finn, who had never met Nate and had never seen them together, how obvious had it been for all the schoolmates that were seeing them every day? Was it possible that the only one who had never realized the truth was Nate himself?

"Besides that – Finn added – with this whole kiss thing you finally discovered that he was a real douche. I think it's for the best, Izzie. Anyone else in sight?"

"Not for now – she replied lowering her gaze and caressing the surface of the water with her hand, leaning one arm out of the small boat. – We'll see".

Finn put on his sunglasses again and turned the engine back on.

They arrived at the pier around seven, the sun was still up but it was getting a bit chilly outside. Izzie had given back the baseball cap to Finn and she was ready to go back home, when he casually asked: "Would you like to stay out and have dinner together? A burger, maybe?"

She could not resist. She fancied the idea of hanging out with Finn a little bit longer. Finally, she had managed to keep her obsessive thoughts about Casey out of her mind for a whole afternoon and the idea of pairing additional random chats with Finn with some comfort food and an XXL Coke was hugely tempting. Her grandma would not mind; Rose had always had a sweet spot for Finn and she would just be pleased to know that Izzie was spending the evening with him.

Sat at the table of the only diner of the village, Izzie listened to Finn while he talked about his projects. He had decided not go to college and wanted to move out of Rhode Island and try an adventure abroad, maybe to Australia. He had read that during the spring, Australian farms welcomed young Europeans and Americans who would move out there for a working holiday.

"I would work in the fields and I tour Australia. That would be the plan", he explained her smiling.

"I can't wait to see a picture of you hugging a koala on Instagram", she commented, hit by a sense of sadness. The idea that Finn could leave Rhode Island and potentially would not be there to keep her company the following summer made her feel depressed. As if in the end her destiny was just being on her own, and as if she could no longer trust anyone.

It was already dark when Finn offered to drive Izzie home.

"It does not matter; our house is very close" she said.

"Are you kidding me? My pickup is parked right around the corner. It'll just take a minute".

They jumped on the pickup throwing Finn's baseball cap and Izzie's backpack on the backseat.

During the short trip they both kept silent. On the radio, a melancholic song, very popular a few years before, was playing. That song reminded Izzie of the sense of sadness that hits you at the end of summer, even if that summer had just started.

As they arrived in front of Izzie's grandma's house, Finn turned off the engine. Izzie didn't open the car door straight away and turned towards him. He took out his phone and started reading his texts, waiting for her to take her backpack from the backseat. She stared at him, feeling a mixture of disappointment and disbelief.

He stayed silent, typing on the screen for a couple of minutes, before realizing that Izzie's gaze was still on him, asking for his attention. He turned to her.

"Everything ok? Did you forget anything at the diner?"

Izzie, surprised and embarrassed, tried to smile and said: "I thought this would be the moment when you would try to kiss me".

He ran a hand through his hair, blushing and avoiding her gaze. "No, Izzie, I am sorry if you were expecting this..."

"It does not matter – she said, feeling her own cheeks turning red and trying to find a remedy to the embarrassed she had caused, while in reality getting rejected by Finn was just another blade pushed through her already low sentimental self-esteem. – Seriously. We have had a great day, we are friends. Nothing changes". She stopped talking not to continue stammering and chat nonsense.

Finn took a deep breath and then decided to tell her the truth: "I am dating someone, Izzie. A boy. I met him at the gym, he lives two towns down the cost, less than thirty minutes by car. But I haven't told my dad yet. No one knows."

Izzie stared at him in shock.

"Please tell me you are not upset? – he continued. – You live in a much bigger city, not in a small village by the sea. I told you this because I would imagine you would be open to whatever."

"No, Finn, it's ok. I am actually very happy for you. It's not this..." she replied.

"What is it then?"

"How did you realize that you like boys?"

"I can't explain it, Izzie. You simply know it. I think I have always known, since the beginning of my teenagerhood, but getting closer to Eric helped me realizing it completely. When we kissed for the first time, it was as if a light suddenly turned on. If I let aside for a moment the problem of how to tell other people, I have to admit that I am really happy right now."

"Eric."

"Eric, yeah".

Izzie gazed at the empty street in front of her, wringing her hands.

"Is everything ok, Izzie? Are you in shock because of what I just said? Is it because of the kiss we exchanged when we were kids?"

Izzie laughed. "No, dummy. It's just that..."

"Oh God, don't even tell me. You fell for a girl?"

Izzie turned to him, biting her lip.

A flash crossed Finn's mind. He was happy, he felt that the first person he'd opened up to really understood him. But, from Izzie's expression, he could sense that whatever crush she had, things were not looking good.

"I won't ask you any question and you'll talk with me only if you want to. But, if I can give you one advice, if she is straight and you think that she would always pick a guy between you and him, just drop it. If you keep reading signals that only exist in your head, you will only hurt yourself. Just let it go and move on. It's self-defence".

Izzie nodded, hugging him. Then she jumped off the pickup with tears in her eyes, throwing the backpack over her shoulder.

When she entered her home, the lights were off already. She went upstairs and prepared to go to sleep, Finn's words still buzzing in her head. Once back to her room, she gave in to the temptation of looking at her phone, for the first time that afternoon.

Blocking the screen, she threw her phone at the end of the bed, where it silently landed. Then she turned on a side, hiding her face in the pillow. She felt as if her whole body was in pain, and got ready for another sleepless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this chapter, I didn't think that the flashback about Izzie's summer would be so long and emotionally intense. But that's how it went. Let me know what you think about it.
> 
> In the next chapter we'll have the second part of the flashback and then we'll go back to L.A. to find the girls still on the balcony.
> 
> In my mind, the song playing in Finn's car was "Summertime Sadness", by Lana del Rey. But you can imagine it was another song, if you prefer. I would tell you something more in the notes, but sometimes being shy sucks.
> 
> Hope you liked it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Rhode Island (a.k.a Izzie's summer) (II)**

****

Izzie shook her head and put her phone in a drawer, before going downstairs for breakfast. The fact that Casey was sending her such texts overnight didn't really help. Grandma Rose was already awake. She was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book and having a cup of coffee.

"Morning, dear – she said. – The kids are still asleep. Coffee?"

Izzie nodded and sat at the table, while Rose prepared a cup of coffee for her as well.

"Would you like anything else? Pancakes, maybe?"

"No, thanks. I am not that hungry".

Rose looked at her, puzzled. Her nephews never said no to her pancakes.

"I had a hamburger last night and I would like to go running in a bit. When I get back, maybe".

Izzie was staring at the void in front of her, warming her hands holding the hot cup. She was waiting for her grandma to abandon the idea of having a chat, pick up her book and start reading again.

Rose got back to her book, which she had left open on the table, cover side up. After a few minutes, though, she realized that she had turned a couple of pages without actually reading. She had just looked at the printed words. She tried to read those three pages again but could not concentrate. Izzie's sullen expression worried her.

It was impossible for her to keep on reading, seeing Izzie so grim and silent.

"How did it go last night? You look like there's something wrong".

"No, everything's fine. Maybe I just ate too much. Normally I never eat fries at home. You know how it is, athlete's diet. If coach catches us eating them, she has us running three additional laps".

Rose smiled, although she was not convinced.

"And what about Finn? Did he share anything interesting?"

"Nothing special, really. His life is always the same, always here. The boat, the shop..." Izzie replied.

She had no intention of telling her grandma about Finn's boyfriend or his idea to go to Australia for a working holiday. Rose belonged to another generation, after all. It would be too complicated to tell her the truth and expect her to keep on looking at Finn with the same eyes. Besides that, Finn's family didn't know anything yet, and Izzie could not take the risk of letting the information reach them through her grandma. "If I tell anyone, Finn would kill me", she thought.

"Will you see each other again soon?" Rose finally asked, unsure if she could use the word "date". She could not understand if her niece's depressed look was because of Finn or anything else.

"No. Well, yes, actually. As friends. Nothing happened, if that is what you mean".

"Oh, I see", Rose said, happy that Izzie had finally opened up to her a little bit, but sad about the fact that, opposite to what she was hoping for, there was no romance between her niece and Finn.

She had always been fond of that boy. He had been a polite, cheerful kid and now he seemed much more mature than his peers. Izzie needed someone like Finn, after the abrupt end of her relationship with that Nate. Rose never liked Nate, although he was from a good family.

"I'll go now. I'll be back in a couple of hours", Izzie informed her, leaving her half empty cup on the table and making her way back upstairs to get changed before going out for a run.  
  
  


...  
  
  


Running on the shore was much more tiring that running on track. But Izzie did not care. Actually, she preferred it that way. In the last years, running had saved her. From her family, from the difficulties of her relationship with Nate, from the badly concealed differences between her and her school mates. Training discipline and races adrenaline had been at the same time a goal and a distraction for her. Before Casey became part of the team, she didn't feel in competition with anyone at Clayton. She knew that Quinn and Penelope didn't care as much as her about track competitions, so it had not been very hard for her to have better results than theirs and be chosen as the team captain. She could not stand them when they complained about the training schedules, the diet they had to follow, the early start on a race day. Running had been the favourite part of her life, until the moment Casey came by.

Izzie could not stop thinking about Finn'swords: "Let it go". She didn't feel like telling him about Casey in details. Also, since the conversation had started following Finn's confession, it didn't seem fair to her to make the whole thing about herself and use that moment to reveal her angst about her relationship with Casey. But the more she kept everything inside her, the more complicated it had become to manage thoughts and emotions. She had now given up on denying the feelings she had for Casey, even if starting to consider them something more than a friendship had not been easy nor immediate. At the beginning, she had considered Casey's arrival to the team as an invasion of her territory, but after the afternoon spent together in coach Crowley's office, she was just happy to have found someone more similarto her among the spoiled Clayton kids. Being able to tell someone about her family, her mother and her daily struggles had made her feel lighter, as she normally tried to hide all these things to Nate and her teammates. Finding out that Casey was also managing some family struggles had made her feel less lonely. As she was walking home that night, far more lucid than Casey, who had not displayed great skills at holding her drink, Izzie felt the desire to spend more time with that girl and get to know her better, and she felt ashamed for how she had initially bullied her with behaviours led by envy and the fear of losing her central position in the track and field team. Finding a safe place at the Gardners, building the fort next to the sofa with Casey, listening to Casey reading Stephen King only enlighten by a torch and allowing herself to make what was already some sort of confession was something exceptional. But even if Izzie was not really the type of person who would open up to other people, especially after the disappointments she had received from her own parents, she did not regret having told Casey that she was her new favourite person. Especially because Casey had told her she felt the same about her. Initially, Izzie had not given too much importance to that first, persistent hunger formore and more time to be spent with Casey, to the need of making her understand that she was special for her, to the desire to spend the night at her place and to the disappointment and almost physical ache that hit her when Nate had appeared that night, putting an end to the fort game and creating the mess he had finally caused.  
  
  
  


Izzie kept on running on the beach, knowing that the further she would go, the longer would be the run home. But, compared to her usual trainings, mostly sprints on short distances, in those occasions she needed to test her resistance and run with no interruption for ten, fifteen kilometres. The most complicated part of this was always the beginning. After the first five kilometres, her legs started running on their own. Even if initially she had decided to go on a long run to stop thinking about Casey, she could not avoid going over the key moments that had made her realize what she felt for her.  
  
  


The day she discovered that Nate had tried to kiss Casey, she had waited for him after class, leaning on his car. The first thing Nate said to her as he saw her was "Do not lean on the BMW".

Izzie was furious with him, not really for trying kissing someone else, but because among all the Clayton girls he had tried with Casey. She could not explain straight away why this detail disturbed her far more than Nate's attempted betrayal. She attributed it to the fact that by lowering her guard she had offered Casey the chance to steal her boyfriend too, besides her place as the star of the track team. With these thoughts running in her mind and under Nate's influence, she had finally decided to believe him, save their relationship and break up her friendship with Casey instead, making her life hell again with those writings on her shoes, which were actually Nate's idea. She could still remember that afternoon, when they had let themselves into the changing rooms few hours after the end of training. It had been easy for Nate to crack Casey's locker combination.

"I don't know about this, Nate. We are not even friends anymore and I am not interested in hurting her further. Ruining her shoes with such writing would make things even worse for the team. And if I damage the team, I damage myself."

"Alright, if you want Penelope and Quinn to think that the new girl from Newton can display such a lack of respect for you and start rumours about me... - he replied. – I didn't think you were so weak".

Annoyed by Nate's words, Izzie uncapped the marker, but then changed her mind again.

"Give it to me, I'll do it then – he said, starting to trace the first letters on Casey's left shoe. – This way, she will be a joke in front of the whole school. She can go crying to her dumb boyfriend from the technical school".

Once finished, Nate closed the locker blocking the lock with a good punch and leaned towards Izzie for a kiss. She reluctantly kissed him back.  
  
  


Noticing that Casey had come back to training with a pair of new shoes some days later had made Izzie feel better, but they had not restarted saying hi to each other yet, and she had realized that every time she had some spare time, or every time she had a problem, she would have loved to text Casey, to open up to her or spend some time together. Her only option though, was Nate, whom she could less and less trust, as something was telling her that he had lied about the kiss. She would have wanted to talk about that episode with Casey again, but she was afraid to break the silence between them after the shoes prank. Casey would have told her to go to hell, and rightfully so. But in the meanwhile Izzie had more and more difficulties in falling asleep, she spent her time listening to melancholic songs and imagining how it would be to make peace with Casey, being able to hug her again, listening to her whining about the pizza from the canteen, having fun together at training and falling asleep next to her watching a movie at the Gardners. She was thinking about it so often that the whole thing had become unhealthy, and she felt she could not talk about it with anyone. Not with her family, as they didn't talk about this kind of stuff. Not with Nate, who already made his point of view very clear and from whom she could not expect an honest opinion. Not with Penelope and Quinn, as she didn't want to show them that she was ready to let her pride aside if only it could help to fix her relationship with a person that everyone was calling "Newton" because of her.  
  
  


The sun was now high up in the sky, and the Fitbit on her wrist indicated that she had already run eight kilometres east that morning. Izzie decided to go back, hoping that in the meanwhile her grandma had not changed her mind regarding making pancakes. So, in order to get home, she changed course to make her way back, as it had happened few months earlier.  
  
  


A Saturday night had been enough to change everything. She was getting home after an evening spent at the cinema with Nate. He was driving, one hand on the steering wheel and one on Izzie's tight. At some point, Nate took a secondary road and parked in a dimly lit open space, next to a park. He turned the engine and the lights off and left the music on. He leaned towards her to kiss her, and initially she let him do it, but then rejected him as she felt his hand under her skirt.

"I don't feel like it, Nate".

"What's up now? Every time things get interesting you pull back. It's not the first time".

Izzie didn't reply, looking out of the window on her right.

"You know what? I am tired of this situation. Get off the car".

"Take me home".

"Sure. You reject me and you also want me to take you home. Look, I am not taking orders. If you want to date me, you can't make the rules".

"Listen to yourself, you were about to kiss another girl less than one month ago!"  
"I told you how it went, already! – Nate replied, raising his voice. – Get off the car now, I have enough of you".

He unlocked the car door and gestured to invite Izzie to get off. Izzie shot him a boastful look before getting off the car and slamming the car door behind herself. Nate was losing his mind and it was better to let him go. She stood on the beaten earth of the open space, her arms crossed. Through the window, he stared at her one last time, his expression a mixture of desire and exasperation. Then he turned on the lights and the engine again, and turned around, speeding off. His car's engine noise could not be heard anymore when Izzie had found herself forced to call Penelope, cursing the fact that she could not call Casey instead.

"Hey. Some shit went down with Nate. He left me in an open space next to some park. Would you come and pick me up? Please..."

"Izzie? Wait".

As confusing sounds were coming from her phone, Izzie opened Maps in order to understand where she actually was. The network signal was low.

"Izzie? I am at a party with Quinn, but we are coming to rescue you. Tell me where you are precisely".

"I have checked the map and it looks like there is a Seven Eleven nearby. I'll walk there and wait for you in the parking. I'll share my position on WhatsApp".

"Alright. We'll be there in a sec".

They were two spoiled girls, but they were not too bad in the end.

"Thanks. I owe you".  
  
  


Izzie was waiting in the Seven Eleven's parking, crushing with her left hand a Coke can that she had bought at the vending machine next to the supermarket. That was probably the lowest point she had reached since when she was at Clayton. Taking a glance at the street every now and then, she was hoping to see Penelope's Mini Cooper come by, while she had started typing and then cancelling for at least ten times a text message addressed to Casey. Starting with "sorry" would not work. Casey would pity her. Inviting her for a coffee would not work either: given the recent events, Casey would become suspicious and would not accept the invite. Izzie didn't know where to start from. Then, she received a message from an unknown number.

In that moment, white headlights illuminated the parking lot and Penelope pulled the car over, rolling down the window. "Coke, uhm? Do you know how many calories are in there? Three additional laps!".

"Come on, I had a difficult night!" Izzie replied, happy to see them. 

Quinn, seated on the passenger's side, invited her to seat in the back.

"So, what happened?" they asked, almost in chorus.

"Nothing. I am done with him".

"Did you two break up? Something bad happened?" Quinn asked, turning towards Izzie.

"I think so, but it does not matter now. I don't want to see him anymore. It's for the best – Izzie replied, giving the impression that she was not upset at all. – Listen, Newton's mom texted me. Next Thursday it's her birthday and they are organizing a surprise party for her. We are invited. Are we going?"

Penelope and Quinn looked at each other out of the corner of the eye. Then Penelope replied "I don't know... I mean, you had a fight with her. For us it does not matter, really. If you want to go, we will come along. We never say no to a party, even if it will be packed with people from Newton".

"Ok. I'll tell her we are going".

Izzie experienced a feeling of lightness and happiness for the first time after several weeks.

"You don't seem to be too sad about Nate – Penelope said. – Are you sure that you want us to take you home? Or shall we go and have a drink somewhere?"

Izzie smiled to her teammates through the rearview mirror and then made herself comfortable on the seat, her head resting on the window. Quinn was humming a song that was on the radio, while Penelope drove towards an improvised girls' night out.  
  
  


Running the last kilometres that still separated her from her grandma's house, and while the beach started to get crowded with people, Izzie's mind got back to the days that had followed that night, remembering how she ignored all texts and calls from Nate, who wanted to apologize, and how she had tried a thousand times in her mind the speech she would give to Casey as soon as she would have an occasion to talk to her at the party. She would apologize and promise they would never be apart again.  
  
  


In reality, things went a bit differently. Having found herself alone with Casey in her room, emotions overtook her, and she improvised. They were about to kiss, but Elsa interrupted them.   
  
  


As they came down the stairs, Casey had thrown herself in Evan's arms, kissing him instead, in a quite blatant way. Nothing ever hurt her so much. For the rest of the evening, she could not help thinking about how she wished that the kiss between her and Casey had happened. And that thought had become an obsession, shedding light on several things: why it never really worked out with Nate, why she considered Casey so special even if she had not known her for long, why their fight had made her feel so lonely and desperate.  
  
  


Stretching out her little finger and managing to hold Casey's hand in the car the last night before summer holidays had been her second move. During those moments her heart was beating like crazy and she had felt a sense of pleasure and relief when Casey had refused Evan's call. But as soon as Izzie left Connecticut for the summer, they had stopped texting each other every day. Casey was spending most of her time with Evan and Izzie feared that she had only created embarrassment. She felt emotionally exhausted and was scared, as Finn had rightfully said, that she would only be hurt if she exposed herself any further.  
  
  


She stopped running. Feeling her heartbeat slowing down and her breath going back to the normal rhythm, she stretched looking at the sea, her mind now empty. Finally, walking down the path that still separated her from home, she took her decision: letting go. After having realized that her whole relationship with Nate had been nothing else than wasted time, she didn't want to suffer in vain because of Casey. She would have stopped trying to make her understand what she felt for her and try to convince herself that Casey reciprocated the feeling. Because, even if that was the case, what would happen next? Any scenario was unrealistic and impossible. She would be a friend to her and try to push back any other feeling. Maybe in the meanwhile she would get to know someone else and this whole story would stop causing her anxiety and insomnia. She only needed to be cold, it was not that hard. As it happened with running, the most difficult part would be the first five kilometres. After that, her legs would start running on their own.

Entering home, she smelled pancakes and orange juice. Mia came to her, still in her pyjamas and with messy hair. "Will you have breakfast with us?", she said. She managed to make Izzie smile.

"I'll have a shower and then I'll be with you", Izzie replied.

Getting back to her room, she took the phone from the drawer and replied to Casey with a plain, friendly text.

Then she entered the bathroom and she turned the knob in the shower, letting the water come down while she got undressed. She stretched out an arm in the shower's cabin, to feel the water's temperature. About five minutes had already passed, but the water still felt icy.  
  
  


...  
  
  


**Ice (II)**

Izzie could no longer feel her knee, after having left the ice bag on it for about one hour. The ice cubes were now melted, and several drops of water had made the balcony's floor wet.

She didn't want Casey to notice, but that "understood what?" had ticked her off. Every time she was trying to force Casey to face what was happening between them, Casey pretended not to see the elephant in the room and changed subject.

Casey was still talking but Izzie could no longer listen to her, her mind was now swinging between rage and exasperation. Rage against herself, really, since she could not keep up to her own intentions. The first time she had met Casey after the holidays she had managed to make her initial intentions clear, meaning stick to being friends. But after a couple of sleepovers at Casey's place at the beginning of the schoolyear and after having discovered that she would soon have the opportunity to travel to L.A. with her and the rest of the team, the emotions she felt took over and all the good intentions had flown out of the window.  
  
  


"Izzie, are you listening to me?"

"Of course, I am", Izzie said, standing up and overthrowing the water from the ice bag out down the balcony. It was almost warm now.

"What did I just ask you?"

Izzie had no idea. The second night in Los Angeles was about to end and she had lost another opportunity to follow her new strategy, meaning forcing Casey to see where things really stood between them. She knew that, based on Casey's reaction, some drama may come up and she might end up finding herself in a really bad position. But she had no other choice.  
  
  


"I asked you which Harry Potter house are you".

"And why are we talking about Harry Potter, Newton?"

"Because I told you that the team uniform of the girl who came in second at the relay today looked like a quidditch jacket".

"Sometimes you come up with really nonsense stuff", Izzie said.

"I'll take it as a compliment, nerd". Casey replied.

"But I am going to tell you the truth about Harry Potter. I am not convinced about the end".

"You are not convinced about the fact that Harry Potter wins against the dark forces?"

"I am not convinced about the fact that Hermione ends up dating Ron".

"Then it's me the one who talks nonsense..."

"No, seriously. No chemistry. In real life a girl like Hermione would never date Ron".

"And who would she date? I am all ears..."

Casey was waiting for Izzie's reply with a smirk on her face.

"I don't know... Who would you choose, among all of them?"

Casey thought about it a little bit and then, with _that_ kind of smile on her face, she said: "I don't know. I guess I would pick... Hermione?"  
  
  


Casey had just done it again. She had given her an opening. That sensation hit Izzie once again: the urge of closing the physical distance between her and Casey, and her heart going crazy. She knew she was staring at Casey but did nothing to avoid it.  
  
  


Casey put a hand on her knee, staring back at her.

"Does it still hurt? Shall I go get some more ice?"

Izzie didn't answer but rested her hand on Casey's.

"You know, it's weird – Casey continued – everything started when we were put in detention together and coach Crowley told me to ice your wrist. And you hated me then".

"It's not true..." Izzie replied, lying. She kept on staring, biting her lips.

"Yes, it is. And now..."

Casey directed her look to Izzie's lips for a second, before going back to her eyes.

Izzie held Casey's hand and leaned towards her to kiss her.  
  
  


In that very moment, they heard the noise of the door opening. The lights came on and illuminated the room and the balcony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Izzie has a hopeless crush.
> 
> Next time we'll see how Casey is doing.
> 
> I am sorry about the disappointment for another missed kiss, but at least now everything is illuminated.
> 
> I managed to translate Chapter 4 before the deadline I had initially given to myself. As English is not my mother language, if you notice any error or stuff like that please do not hesitate to message me with your suggestions for a correction.
> 
> Thanks to all those who voted and commented the previous chapters. It's a small gesture but it means a lot for the author.
> 
> Hope you liked it.


	5. Chapter 5

**"This close"**

"It was this close" said Quinn, laughing, getting her fingers close to each other so that they could mimic a very tiny space.

"You know I would not kiss him on the first night out!" Penelope replied.

As they entered the room noisily, the two girls barely noticed Casey and Izzie on the balcony, abruptly getting apart from each other.

Penelope and Quinn exchanged a look, suddenly becoming serious. Then Quinn made a sign to her friend, to invite her to continue their conversation as they had not seen anything.

"You wanted to, though!" she said, making fun of her friend with the same ironical tone she had used earlier.

"Stop it!" Penelope cut it short, while Quinn finally got rid of the posh heeled sandals, letting them fall on the floor next to the entrance.  
  
  


Casey still felt her heart jumping in her chest. She looked at Izzie first, then inside the room. Izzie had let her hand go already, she was staring at the floor, biting her lip.

Casey took a deep breath, waiting for her heartbeat to get back to a normal rhythm. Then she entered the room and said hi to the others as if nothing had ever happened.

"Hey! How was the party?"

"Not too bad, Penelope was about to hook up with a guy!" said Quinn, extracting her vodka bottle from the back of the little fridge.

"I told you to stop! – said Penelope, who was actually a little pleased. Then she turned to Casey – and where were you, Newton? We didn't see you around..."

"We... got back to the room because Izzie's knee was hurting. Then I took her back here. She iced it, let's see if it gets better".

"Is she still running tomorrow?" Penelope asked. She looked worried.

"Yeah, she said she's going to run".

"I am not sure if that's a good idea".

"I told her already", Casey answered, resigned.

"Am I allowed to decide for myself?" Izzie said, coming back into the room with a gloomy expression.

Casey lifted her arms as if she was about to surrender, while Izzie passed next to her without even looking at her, directed to the bathroom. Quinn shrugged her shoulders and, looking at Casey, mouthed "When she's like that, let it go", before handing them the vodka bottle. Casey didn't think about it twice and took a sip. Then she gave the bottle back to Quinn and directed herself towards the bathroom, where Izzie was undoing her make-up, barefoot in front of the sink. Standing behind her, she looked at her through the mirror. Once she was sure that Izzie was looking back at her, she whispered "I'm sorry".

"For what?" Izzie replied, loudly and with an annoyed tone, before getting back to removing her make up.

Casey did not answer but stepped towards her. She was so close that she could enjoy her scent, a mix of vanilla perfume, gin tonic and facial cleanser. A shiver went through her body. She moved her arms forward, ready to land her hands on Izzie's waist, but then stopped.

Izzie stared at her through the mirror, instinctively biting her lip again.

"Don't do that, please", Casey thought. It was not the first time that small gesture from Izzie had an uncontrollable effect on her.

Izzie was about to turn, Casey perceived her movement and quickly stepped back to exit the bathroom and reach the room again. After few seconds, she felt the bathroom's door closing behind her back. Once in the bedroom, she switched on the air con and then let herself fall on the little sofa, staring at the void. Rubbing one of her shoes against the other, she took them off. Her Vans were now laying on the floor, flopped to one side. She would love a sip of vodka now, but Penelope and Quinn were on the balcony, talking in the dim light.  
  
  


"This would explain why it never really worked out with Nate" Penelope said. Then she drank some vodka and handed the bottle back to Penelope, wiping up her lips with the back of her hand.

"Oh, that's not true, come on. They have been dating for more than one year", Quinn replied.

"Yeah. But I think they never..."

"Really?"

"She would have told us. I mean, every time we were talking about these things with the other girls, she always kept silent".

Quinn had another sip of vodka. She didn't say anything for a moment, then she nodded. "Now that I think about it, it's true. But even so, what would be the issue?"

"There is no issue for me. – Penelope said. – I told you a thousand times that my brother is gay. He lives in New York with that artist..."

"True. One year ago, I would have never imagined this about her, but I started guessing there was a thing between her and Gardner some months ago".

"Problem is, there is no thing between her and Gardner".

"What do you mean there is no thing between them? – Quinn continued. – You were the one who made that joke yesterday".

"Which joke?" Penelope asked, trying to gain her bottle of vodka back.

"You told her that she checks Newton out in the changing rooms".

Penelope covered her mouth with her hands. "Shit. Yeah, I said that. I meant that I don't think they are together or anything like that. It must be something more like on-again, off-again. There's always a lot of tension in the air...". Then she swallowed another sip of vodka.

"Don't finish it! We have been here only for two days and that's the last bottle already!" said Quinn, wresting the bottle from her hands.

Back in the room, Casey was listening, keeping her look on the wall in front of her. Quinn and Penelope did not realize that she was close enough to hear everything. She had goosebumps while she heard them whispering, praying for the bathroom door to remain locked. The shower was on, so Izzie would probably stay in there for a while.  
  
  


"Do you think that anything has happened between them, already?" Quinn asked, now devoured by curiosity.

"Like what?"

"I don't know Penelope, like _anything_?"

"I think so, don't you see how weird they are? But in reality, I don't know. You know what Izzie is like, territorial and lunatic. A not-so-clear relationship would drive her crazy. And Gardner has a boyfriend, as far as I know", Penelope replied.

"Is she still together with the pizza guy?"

"I think so".

In that moment, Casey's phone vibrated on the table. She jumped off the sofa as she heard that noise and grabbed it instantly. Quinn and Penelope, surprised by the noise and by her sudden movement, turned towards the room. The balcony door was wide open. In a second they understood that Casey had been there for a long time but were not sure about which part of their conversation she had heard. Casey, back on the sofa, goofily waved at them, then pretended to look at her phone's screen. Too many things were going through her mind now, she could not read the texts. She felt her cheeks going red and a ringing in her ears. Penelope and Quinn got back to the room with a somber expression. The dresses they were wearing were now out of place. While Quinn, embarrassed, pretended to look for her pj's in her bag, Penelope got close to Casey. Standing in front of her, she was waiting for Casey to raise her eyes.

"Listen, Gardner – she said – I won't pretend you didn't hear us. I know that we are not friends but let me say this: whatever is happening between the two of you, remember that we need Izzie to be mentally stable".

"What... I..." Casey tried to say something, but Penelope had said enough, and she didn't know what to reply. So, she nodded and then glued her eyes to the floor.

In that moment, the bathroom door opened, andIzzie came out, wrapped in a towel, her hair wet, a blank look on her face.  
  
  


"Can I use the toilet now?" Casey asked, looking at the other girls. Her priority at the moment was to avoid finding herself in the same room as Izzie when she would get rid of the towel to change and prepare to go to bed.

Penelope nodded, starting to get changed as well. Casey quickly got her pj's and toothbrush from her bag and reached the bathroom, where the air was saturated with humidity and the fruity scent of Izzie's shampoo. She thought about what had happened about half an hour earlier. Quinn and Penelope were on the balcony, Izzie was a few centimeters apart and she was about to turn. It would have been easy to recreate the atmosphere that surrounded them outside, on the balcony, few seconds before they had realized they were not alone. When the others had arrived, Izzie had looked annoyed and embarrassed, true, but if they have found each other in front of each other again, with practically no distance between them, Casey could close her eyes and finally discover the emotions she would feel kissing her.  
  
  


Casey opened her eyes and found her own image in the mirror. Suddenly her phone vibrated again in her pocket. She took it out deactivating the vibration at the same time. There was a new text, alongside the one she had just ignored.

She put her phone back in her pocket and turned on the cold water, washing her face with energy and getting her shirt all wet. Casey felt guilty and was ashamed of herself for having just imagined to kiss Izzie while Evan was at home and could not suspect anything, or actually imagined that her silence was due to a potential hangover and not to the fact that she could actually be inches from kissing someone else.  
  
  


Casey passed her fingers through her hair. There were too many things to deal with. She could not even give a name to whatever was happening between her and Izzie and felt attracted but at the same time obliged to resist to the magnetic field that was dragging them closer, as she didn't want to hurt anyone. She was not sure of what she was feeling, nor felt ready to make a step forward. She only knew that that thing was there, was becoming undeniable and she would have to deal with it, sooner or later.  
  
  


"Newtooon, we need the bathroom too!", Quinn shouted from the room.

Casey brushed her teeth and put on her pajamas at the speed of light, before getting back to the room. She sneaked past Izzie's bed, while Izzie was just pretending to be asleep – she was just pretending, Casey was sure this time – laying on one side, her back to the rest of the room.  
  
  


She climbed up on her bed and tried to close her eyes, even if she knew that falling asleep would be difficult again. Quinn and Penelope were getting ready to go to sleep, and Casey could hear the sound of water flowing, training bags zipped and unzipped, switches flicked on and off. Casey realized she never texted Evan back, but she was on the upper bed now, and her phone had remained in the pocket of the shorts she was wearing right before. It was too late now.  
  
  


...  
  
  


**Balance (a.k.a Casey's summer)**

"Keep your balance! More flexible on your legs!"

Casey got scared and jumped off the skateboard, which moved forward on its own for a few meters before stopping against the sidewalk. Both her and Evan had stayed at home for the summer. The Gardners were going through a fairly complicated period since Elsa had returned home, and Doug had started sleeping in the veranda. Sam needed to stay calm and focused to get ready to start college, and in the meanwhile, he had accepted to take an extra shift at Techtropolis, as suggested by Zahid, in order to save some more money. The perfect conditions for a family holiday were just not there, nor the atmosphere. Casey could have decided to participate to a track and field summer camp in New England, sponsored by Clayton. But Izzie had decided not to go, she preferred to spend her summer in Rhode Island with her grandma and her siblings, and Casey didn't feel like going as she would not know anyone. Besides that, this way she could have stayed close to Doug and Sam during Elsa's family reintegration process. And, of course, she could spend more time with Evan. He was working at Don's five nights a week, but he was almost never busy during the day. He still had one year of technical school ahead of him but would not continue his studies afterwards. Therefore, that summer, he didn't have any exam or test to prepare. "As if you were killing yourself over your studies during the rest of the year!", Casey was always telling him, good-naturedly. The two had a lot of time on their hands and they found each day a different way to fend off boredom during the hot Connecticut summer.

Evan had promised Casey that he would teach her how to skate. But, after a whole afternoon spent making her try riding his board in a parking lot, she wasn't improving at all. Evan was scared that Casey would hurt herself, or that she would destroy his skate with a goofy movement. Knowing her though, he would not dare telling her, as he thought she may get offended, or worse, get even more determined to become a skater.

"I'll try again!" she shouted enthusiastically, running to get the skate from the other side of the parking lot. Evan shook his head.

"If you are going to hurt yourself, I don't want to be hold guilty for that! Your coach will kill me!"

"Izzie will kill you, you mean!" Casey replied, laughing. She knew how much Izzie cared about the results of the track team, being their captain.

"Izzie will make it without you... She already dropped you more than once" Evan replied.

"But we are friends again now".

"Sure. Let's see how long that lasts. In the meanwhile, try to pay attention with that skate. I bought it not long ago, by the way, and it was very expensive."

"You know, you should stop saying that I could get injured or destroy your skate and believe a bit more in my talent as a skater!"

"We are not all made for... all the sports, you know that?" he said, trying to make her abandon the idea.  
  
  


"I can't blame you on this. For instance, if I now take this skate under my arm and start running, you'll never catch me".

Evan stood up from the brickwork where he was sitting and reached her at the center of the parking lot. Jumping on the skate, he showed her the right movement. He rolled for some meters and then, with a quick foot movement, he performed a trick, and jumped, finding himself back on the board.

"Voilà!"

"Easy, when as a kid you have spent all your afternoon doing this instead of studying".

"You spent all your afternoons running and punching the school's mean girls in the face!"

"Hey! I did that for your sister!"

"I know – he smiled – Now take the skate and show me what you can do".  
  
  


Evan's renewed confidence in Casey's skills as a skater was just an excuse to get close to her and put his hands on her waist, while she was trying to balance herself. He had seen enough people trying to skate to know that there was something wrong in the way she positioned herself on the board. Nothing would make him change his mind: Casey was not made for that sport and it was better for her to let it go before she hurt herself. The following day, he would propose her something less risky. Like ping-pong or videogames, for instance.  
  
  


Casey rolled some meters forward, then she tried to flip her skate but once again she hardly managed to lift it. In the end, she sat on it and gave Evan a depressed look, removing her knee protections and throwing them on the asphalt. "I give in. Shall we go for an ice cream? It's getting too hot".

Evan was only happy about that change of plans. This allowed him to make sure Casey would not get hurt and would earn him an ice cream, his favorite food besides pizza. Two birds with one stone.

He put the skate in the back while Casey jumped on his ramshackle car, on the passenger's side.

Casey turned on Spotify and choose their favourite The NHBD album, while he was driving towards the closest ice cream parlor.

After having debated if it would be better to choose a cone or a bowl, they came out of the ice cream parlor with two large cones, pistachio and hazelnut for Casey, peach and chocolate for Evan. They sat on a bench to eat it.

"Let's sit, otherwise you will get all smudgy like a small kid. Or worse, you'll get my car smudgy", he said.

"Your car sucks, already! – She replied, laughing – And why do you all criticize the way I eat? I am goofy, so what?"

"Us all... who?"

"You all! Sam, Elsa, you, Izzie..."

"Hey, talking about eating – Evan said, clearing his throat – I would love if you could come to my place for dinner tonight. You know, my mom is not around, and Beth is travelling with her friends for a couple of days. I though you may come over around eight. We could eat something together and then..."

"And then...?" Casey started laughing but she knew what Evan meant.

"And then we will see where the night carries us!" he finished the sentence, leaning towards her and licking Casey's ice cream.

"Hey! – she exclaimed – Not the pistachio! It's my favorite flavor!". That said, she slipped one finger on his ice cream and took a conspicuous part of the chocolate ice cream, then quickly putting it in her mouth defiantly.

They started laughing and ended up with a kiss what tasted like pistachio and chocolate ice cream. Casey had felt so safe as she came in contact with Evan's cold lips. Evan was her safe place. It didn't matter if a hurricane shook her life, as it had happened when she had discovered Elsa's adventure with the bartender. Evan would always be there, to protect her, and make her feel safe and loved. To remind her that everything would be fine in the end.

"By the way, I'm ok for tonight's plan – Casey said – I would have not had dinner with my parents anyway. Elsa and my dad are going out to try rebuild their relationship – she took air quotes while saying that – while Sam has a date with Paige at the Olive Garden".

"Oh, not that restaurant where the last time she went out of her mind?"

"Precisely. That one. Where she dumped her during a family dinner once. It has become a matter of principle for her. She absolutely wants to spend a great night there with him".

"In all of this, the most important thing is that you'll be able to spend the night at my place without feeling guilty towards anyone".

"Exactly. I am free from the Gardners and I am all yours".

Evan smiled; his eyes were shining. "Perfect, then!"  
  
  


They kissed again. This time their kiss was long and deeper. Casey was less and less sorry for being stuck in Connecticut the whole summer. Spending time with Evan had been complicated during the schoolyear, especially after she had moved to Clayton, which had meant more classes and training. Besides that, given that Izzie was not there and she didn't know the others very well, Casey would not see any of her classmates during the summer and would not feel obliged to bring Evan to night outs such as the one they had organized at Don's few months before. That night, Nate had tried to embarrass Evan for his modest ambitions and lifestyle. Casey preferred not to think about it. Nate had turned out being a pompous douchebag, while Evan was perfect for her. Absolutely perfect, with his old car, his smile, his sweet look, his rock-bands T-shirts and the skate she didn't know how to use.  
  
  


When they parted from their kiss, Evan realized that his cone had started melting.

"This is what happens when you choose a girl over an ice-cream. Even if she is the most extraordinary on the planet!"

"The ice-cream gets its revenge! I told you, the bowl was better!" Casey said laughing and quickly licking her ice-cream to avoid finding herself in the same situation. Drops of peach sorbet were already going down Evan's arm and were about to reach his T-shirt.

"I am going back to my car one second, to get a tissue and some water to clean myself. I love this T-shirt, I don't want to get it stained! Wait for me here".

"Aren't you ashamed to leave your girl on a bench in order to save your Green Day T-shirt?"  
"Not even a bit! Priorities!" he shouted back, while he was running to the car.  
  
  


While she was waiting for Evan to come back, Casey took her phone out of her pocket. She laughed seeing the stories Evan had posted on Instagram, even if she was a bit offended: he had made fun of her publicly for her poor abilities as a skater. She left him a comment, a smiling emoji. Then, with great surprise, she had seen that Izzie had published a story too. Izzie hardly posted anything on Instagram, she always said she didn't have time for social networks given that she was taking care of her siblings and spent a lot of time training and studying not to lose her scholarship. Casey had never believed that. She thought it was just an excuse to look at other people's pictures and letting them know the least possible about herself. This was in line with the behavior she had kept until that very moment at Clayton, shutting out the others and opening up only with her.  
  
  


Casey had stopped for a second on the picture posted by Izzie. She seemed extremely happy. She was wearing a red shirt, dungarees and a light blue cap that Casey could not recognize as hers. Izzie had written that she was about to go on a boat trip. But with whom? Every time she had spoken to her about her summers in Rhode Island, Izzie had never mentioned any particular friend. Casey had actually imagined that Izzie would spend quite a lonely summer, a detail that in a sense was reassuring for her, even if she could not tell why. She was annoyed by the lack of updates she was receiving from Izzie, and by the idea that she was spending the day with someone else without telling her anything. Someone else who was making her smile. Casey sent her some texts by replying to her story, finishing the series of messages with a bigmouth emoji. Then she put her phone back in her pocket. Evan was about to get back, they had both almost finished their ice-creams.

"Shall I give you a ride home? – he asked. – This way we will have time to get ready for tonight, and I'll see you at my place".

She nodded, devouring the last bite of her cone.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Atypical Skateboards" brand exists for real. It's an Italian brand and their Insta account is the one I tagged in Evan's story.
> 
> In the next Chapter we'll have the second part of Casey's summer flashback and then get back to what's happening with the girls in Los Angeles. So many things still need to happen.
> 
> As usual, thanks to those who read, comment and share this fanfiction with other people.
> 
> Hope you liked it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Balance (a.k.a Casey's summer) (II)**

Casey checked her phone one last time before knocking on Evan's door that night. Izzie had not replied yet. She hadn't even seen her texts, and Casey was unsure if this was good or bad. Maybe Izzie had not replied because she had not seen read the message, but then it meant she was with someone who deserved her full attention for a very long, uninterrupted amount of time. Casey was unable to explain why, but this whole thing disturbed her. She forced herself to stop thinking about it and, shaking her hear, she rang the bell next to Evan's door.

"Wow!" she exclaimed as she saw Evan, who, for once, was wearing a shirt instead of one of his usual music bands t-shirts, and a pair of dark blue jeans which seemed brand new, instead of the shorts which had been his uniform for the whole summer.

"I made an effort for our romantic dinner!" he said, kissing her lips and inviting her in.

"I didn't know we were the kind of couple who would do a romantic dinner..." Casey answered, in a whisper. Evan didn't hear her. She came in and left her Vans by the entrance, feeling guilty because of the outfit she had chosen for that night: shorts and a light blue t-shirt that made her feel at ease but were certainly not on the same fashion level as Evan's outfit.

"Do you want me to go home and get changed? – she asked, raising her voice so that Evan could hear her. He was placing two glasses on the dinner table – I don't really feel at ease now as you are wearing a shirt and I am wearing something I could be wearing any day really..." in the meanwhile, she was trying to mentally browse in her wardrobe, as she was sure that some of those dresses that Elsa had offered her as a present and that she never wore had survived to her last wardrobe cleaning.

"Are you kidding me? – Evan said, getting closer to her with the glasses and a bottle of white wine in his hand – To me, you are perfect exactly as you are".

Casey, relieved, kissed him and let him serve her a glass of wine.

"Chablis", he said.

"I am not a wine expert, but I trust you".

"A guy working at Don's took a sommelier certification. He told me that this is one of the best wines".

"If he has this five-stars-restaurant background, why is he working at Don's?"

"Don't ask me, Casey..."

"Could you at least tell me that you have not cooked some fine French food? Otherwise I'll go bury myself in shame for coming here in my Vans".

"Don't worry. I ordered sushi".

Casey's eyes lightened up. She loved sushi and didn't have many occasions to eat it, as her family preferred Italian food.

"I knew you would love it – Evan said, commenting Casey's reaction – It should be here in a few minutes".

Casey made herself comfortable on the sofa, placing her glass of wine on the small table in front of her.

Evan sat next to her, kissing her softly on a cheek and then staring at her as if she was the thing he admired most in the world. In that very moment, the bell rang. Evan left the sofa and reached the door. "This must be our sushi!"

"Evan, wait, don't pay for our dinner, let's split the bill!" Casey said, feeling guilty for not having contributed to the organization at all.

"Don't even try. Tonight, it's on me", he replied.

While Evan handed out a tip to the take away guy, Casey checked her text messages once more. Nothing from Izzie. As she saw Evan coming back to the living room, the take away boxes in his hands, she put her phone back in her pocket, emptied half of her glass of wine and followed Evan to the table, bringing the glass with her.

Sushi was delicious. Evan had made an order to the best Japanese restaurant of the city and, judging by the quantity of food available, he had probably spent a lot of money or, at least, too much money compared to what they usually spent for their dinner dates, which generally consisted in having pizza or an hamburger with Coke.

"Hey, that maki is mine! I haven't had any of the tuna ones!"

"It's not my fault if you are so slow at eating!"

"It's not my fault if you savage your food!"

"It's because I do sports and I need energies!"

"No way. I haven't seen you running in a week!"

"It was too hot to go running. – Casey said, trying to push away that fact that she was feeling super guilty for the trainings she had missed – But tomorrow I am going to run. Both my coach and Izzie are in the contacts list of the app I use to track my progress when I go running. If they notice that I haven't run in so long, they'll tell me off".

"Don't think about them. You are too hard on yourself".

"No, Evan. Running for me is a serious thing. Why changing school otherwise?"

"To be faster than me at eating sushi, but... - he replied, hurrying to grab the last maki on the plate – I got you!"

Casey started laughing, and they cheerfully emptied their glasses.

Evan had thought about everything, dessert included. He took two profiteroles out of the fridge, together with another bottle of Chablis.

"You should not have, Evan! I love these but today I already had an ice cream in the afternoon, tons of sushi, and now this dessert. If Izzie knew that I ate all this stuff and didn't stick to the diet followed by the team, she'd kill me!"

"Then don't tell her – Evan replied, with a wink – She is surely eating junk food during the holidays, come on. And now please stop talking about your track races and Izzie. I am going to take care of your physical activity tonight..."

Evan's words fluctuated in the air, and Casey tried to react with a smile, excited but also disoriented.

Sex with Evan had been an important experience for her, up to that moment. It had helped to make their relationship stronger, but it had been less satisfying that she would have imagined, from a physical point of view. When it happened for the first time, she had softened because of the looks and caresses Evan dedicated to her straight after, but she had also asked herself why everyone at school was always talking about sex and why everyone's objective seemed to be having sex, if that was it, in the end. It hadn't been better than the dozens of times they had just kissed or cuddled in her bed for hours. And, each time they had sex, everything had seemed too planned in advance, which was inevitable as Evan's family was not at home only on certain days of the week.

In spite of all this, Casey was excited about the idea of having sex with him again that night. He was sweet and had thousands of attentions for her. He was not like all the other boys who didn't hesitate to have sex with a girl and then didn't even say hi to her at school. After having discussed the matter with Sharice, Casey had realized she was lucky. For Sharice, it had not been the same. She had her first time with a boy from Boston, whom she had met at a summer camp. Sharice had a crush on him and even if she knew she would never be able to keep a distance relationship with him after that summer, she had decided to go to bed with him following her spontaneous excitement, mainly because she wanted to be done with making virginity such a big thing. They had some alone time in a camper parked in a dark spot, he had made some embarrassing jokes while he was trying to wear a condom, and she felt pretty disappointed when it ended: it had hurt and had lasted nearly two seconds. When she came home from the summer camp, they stopped keeping in touch and after a few months they unfollowed each other on Instagram.

"You are lucky to have had your first time with Evan, and believe me, from what you told me it was not even that bad compared to not only to me but also to some experiences friends of mine have told me about. – Sharice told her – The more you get to know each other, the better it will get, trust me. You'll get some experience and sex will be extraordinary. Keep him close".

Sharice's opinion had reassured her. Even if their friendship had gone through a rough moment when she had changed school, Sharice was always able to make her feel at ease, understand her and say the right thing.

On the other hand, sex was the only thing she had never discussed in detail with Izzie. Initially, she was scared of coming across as unexperienced. Izzie had been with Nate for much longer and he seemed very self-confident, probably he was already pretty experienced, and subsequently she probably was too. Casey didn't want to confront Izzie on this topic and, even more important, she didn't want to know any detail. She was not sure she would be able to look at Izzie with the same eyes if – while talking about it - she had imagined her in bed with Nate even for a few seconds. And Casey had always had the impression that Izzie preferred avoiding talking about this topic with her too, especially given she had reacted the night Casey mentioned the topic while they were sitting in Doug's car.

"Earth to Casey... Earth to Casey..."

Evan was trying to get her attention.

"Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts. – said Casey, getting back to their conversation. In the meanwhile, she realized she had finished her profiterole – You were saying?"

"I was saying that I was thinking about getting an apartment for myself next summer, when I am finally done with my studies".

"Evan, that is great! And where?"

"Well, here. Where should I go otherwise? This way, I could stay close to my mom, and Beth... and to you, obviously!"

"And how do you think you are going to pay the rent?"

"Casey, why are you always thinking at the boring side first? – he replied – I will keep my job at Don's but I will also find proper job that I can do during the day. This way, I will surely be able to pay a rent and maybe also to save some money."

"So you are hundred per cent sure that you will not continue with your studies?"

"I have told you a thousand times, Casey. Studying is not for me. It's better if I don't go to college. It's more realistic. I am going to get a job here. Actually, I was thinking..."

"What?"

"Once you'll graduate at Clayton, if you want you will be able to spend more and more time with me in my new apartment, or even move in with me if you want".

Evan's eyes were full of light and hope, as if he was seeing their future already written. But Casey, at the sound of his words, had suddenly felt a sense of oppression. She would actually be happy to have a place for her and Evan only, some sort of hidden place where they could live far from the adults. But thinking about this was actually a sign of the fact that they were slowly becoming adults too, and that Evan's plans for the future were not very similar to hers.

"It would be nice but... We'll see".

"We'll see?"

"I am going to college, Evan".

"Well, I know. But we don't know where to, yet. Maybe if you apply to a college not too far from here, it would still be possible".

Casey didn't feel like continuing the conversation.

"It would be nice, but there are so many things I cannot know now – she answered, while in her mind she was thinking about the conversations she had already had with her coach, who was trying to push her to apply to UCLA, based on her running performances – We'll see".

Evan lowered his eyes on his empty plate, finishing his third glass of wine and standing up to clear the table.

...

It had been exactly as all the other times. Evan had been sweet, he kissed and caressed her, he made sure it would not hurt her. Then he had finished, and just rested on the bed next to her, kissing her forehead. And Casey had not felt anything.

"I love you", Evan whispered, covering both of them with the bedsheets, which were now up to their shoulders.

"Love you too", Casey answered, holding his hands under the bedsheets and looking at him in the eyes, before finding herself staring at the ceiling.

"Hey, I am going to get the bottle of wine downstairs. One last glass to call it a night".

Saying so, he stood up from the bed, he put his boxer back on, having grabbed them on the carpet, and he left the room. Casey had heard him stepping down the stairs, and she had left the bed, looking for her t-shirt on the floor. Once she got her t-shirt and slip on, she sat on the bed. She had the impression that Evan was taking ages to come back up, so she had taken her cell phone from the pocket of her shorts, which she had found at the foot of the bed.

She had one missed call from Sharice, but she would call her back the following day. Then she saw an Instagram story posted by Paige, at the Olive Garden with Sam. She spent some time scrolling other posts, to avoid checking if Izzie had seen her message, since she had not answered yet. Obsessively, Casey went back to check the picture Izzie had posted that afternoon. She clicked on the profile of the person tagged in the story, with whom – most likely – Izzie was now spending the night.

A boy. Pretty. Judging by the pictures he published, where there was no sign of a regular feminine presence in his life, single. Casey tried to remember if Izzie ever mentioned to her a certain Finn from Rhode Island. But it didn't ring any bell.

Izzie had not visualized any of her messages, since the early afternoon to 1am. She was hanging out with a pretty boy who was most likely single. She had not been dating anyone since she had broken up with Nate. In Casey's head, for one second, a mental image of Finn's tongue making his way through Izzie's lips appeared. He was pulling her towards him, one hand on her lower back. Casey felt her stomach aching and she abandoned her cell phone, screen down, on the bedsheet in front of her.

"All good"? Evan came back to the room, wearing only his boxers, a bottle of wine and two glasses in his hands.

Casey suddenly came back to reality, with her stomach still aching and the unpleasant sensation of having to puke in a really short time.

"Wine?" Evan asked, pushing one of the glasses her way.

"Not right now, thanks"

"Ok – he replied, helping himself a glass – Anything happened?"

"No, I was just feeling cold and put back my t-shirt, that's all".

Evan took back his place in bed, next to her. Turning towards Casey, he started covering her shoulder and neck with kisses.

"Thinking about it again – Casey said – I would like some wine".

He grabbed the bottle and the glass from his bedside table and poured the wine. Then he placed the empty bottle on the floor.

"Cheers" he said, looking her in the eye, while Casey reluctantly let her glass clink against his, to then drink all the content in one sip.

"Hey! I know it's good, but slow down!"

"Calm down Evan, I know what I am doing!"

"I know you are not great at managing your alcohol intake. I am just suggesting you to be careful".

"Bullshit! I am doing perfectly fine – Casey replied. And then, getting her iPhone back – Look, Izzie had a date with this guy today".

She showed Finn's Instagram profile to Evan, zooming on the picture where she thought he seemed most good looking.

"Ok, so?" Evan asked, looking forward to returning to a different kind of activity.

"Maybe something happened between them, you know?"

"Well, I hope so. It would be good for her. A good distraction".

"From what?"

I don't know? From that douchebag of her ex? From her obsession for the running team? From fighting with you and then being friends again every two minutes?"

"She's not thinking about her ex. Not anymore".

"Ok, I don't care. It would be good for her anyway".

"It would be good for her to make out with someone she feels nothing for?"

"What do you know about it? Anyway, are we really talking about Izzie right now? Come on, put it down..." Evan took Casey's iPhone from her hands, and dropped it on his bedside table. Then he pulled one arm around her shoulders.

Casey moved away from that attempted hug and hid under the bedsheets.

"Casey? – Evan said, smiling – What kind of game is this? Come on..."

She wanted to disappear from Evan's room in that very moment. There was no magic left. The mental image of Izzie kissing that Rhode Island boy was giving her the same sensation of a poison dart stuck in her belly. Feeling such an intense pain just at the thought of Izzie with Finn was scaring her to death. The more she tried to push away the mental image, the more a high-pitched ringing was making its way through her ear. And she would see them hugging, entwined, in bed together. Then she suddenly left the bed, directed to the bathroom. She just had the time to scream "I am about to puke!".

Evan put his shirt back on and joined her straight after. Casey was sitting on the floor, hugging the WC, a sad look on her face. The urge to get to the bathroom in the shortest possible time had contributed, at least, to push away the thought of Izzie and Finn.

"It was a false alarm", she said to him, looking up.

He looked at her with indulgence, caressing her hair.

"Ok, let's go back to the bedroom then".

Evan made himself comfortable in bed again, finishing his glass of wine. One of his hands was placed on the empty spot next to him, and he asked Casey to join him.

"Your parents are not at home, right? We still have time. You can even sleep here if you want".

"Oh... - Casey said – To be honest, I had told Elsa that I would get back home for the night".

"It's not what you told me".

"Well I didn't explain myself correctly then. I really want to go home".

"Come on Casey, you are not really sick. We are done with wine, promised. Just kisses."

Evan smiled, and then he left the bed and tried to hug her and drag her back in the bedsheets. She goofily fell on the mattress, and then stood up again, finding her shorts and wearing them.

"No, Evan, really, I would like you to drive me home".

"But why?"

"I need to wake up early and go running tomorrow".

"Still talking about this thing? Tomorrow it should not be as hot as today, it's not necessary that you go running in the early morning".

"No, I absolutely need to start training again, I didn't follow the plan coach gave me and..."

"Please do not mention Izzie again", he finished her sentence, and a gloomy look appeared on his face.

"... and I am really tired. It was a great night, but now I feel like going home. Will you drive me, please?" she asked, trying to hit him on his soft spot.

"No, come on. I don't feel like going out now and I had too much wine to drive".

"Right, I'll walk".

"No Casey, you should not walk back home on your own during the night, especially after all those glasses of wine and after having almost puked".

"I am going to call Sam then. If he's still hanging around with Paige, maybe they can come and pick me up".

"Yeah, sure – Evan said – Don't tell me you'd rather ask Road Rage Paige to drive you home. In addition to that, most likely they finished their dinner like two hours ago. If they are enjoying the second part of their night out, you shouldn't disturb them".

"Stop, don't say anything else. I'd rather not know! – Casey said, now smiling again – Should I call Elsa then? Maybe she and dad..."

"I see that you are super desperate, if you are thinking of calling Elsa. Alright, Casey, I'll drive you. I feel sober enough to drive, I just hope that we don't get caught by a police control or something. But it's just a ten minutes' drive. We should be alright."

"Thanks", Casey said, kissing him on one cheek and thanking God for how lucky she was.

As they hopped on the car, Evan turned on the radio. _Somebody Else_ by The 1975 started playing and Casey rolled her eyes. Embarrassed, she kept silent for the whole ride, looking outside the window. Evan looked tired but serene. He was holding the steering wheel with his right hand, his left arm placed out of the window. Casey loved those summer nights, when it was possible to stay out until late, drive on empty roads and sit on the porch to chat and laugh in shorts until the light of the early morning came out. She had found herself thinking how wonderful it would be to spend those evenings with Izzie, if just she had not left for Rhode Island. And suddenly she felt a new feeling, a mix of desire and anxiety. She would slap herself in the face for what she had just thought while her boyfriend, whom she loved and with whom she had just spent a special night, had agreed to drive her home upon her request just because she had let one Instagram picture ruin her mood and their date.

"Here we are" said Evan, when they arrived in front of the Gardners' house.

"Thanks again – Casey said – It was a fantastic night, seriously. Sorry if I ruined everything since I was unwell. I will make it up for you".

"You didn't ruin anything, don't worry".

"Ok – she already had her hand on the handle, ready to leave the car – bye then, I'll call you tomorrow when I am back from my run".

"Alright. Goodnight".

Casey left the car without leaning towards him to kiss him. Evan, surprised, had seen her stepping though the garden and to the entrance, without looking back.

Casey turned the lights on, none of the Gardners was at home yet. "Well, well, well – she thought – both Sam and Elsa are having a better conclusion of their night out then myself". In the general silence, she directed herself upstairs, undressed, threw all her clothes in the laundry basket, and threw herself in the shower, hoping that the cold-water jet would help her clearing her mind.

Once she finished showering, she sat on the bed, still wrapped in her towel. She checked her phone for the last time. It was almost 2 am now. Izzie had seen the message on Instagram. But she had not replied. Casey couldn't help it and impulsively sent her more texts, asking if everything was alright.

"Oh god, I sound like a stalker..." she thought between herself. Then she closed her eyes. Few seconds later, looking back at her iPhone's screen, she realized that, in fact, she had typed and sent to Izzie this last sentence too. She felt so ashamed she wanted to disappear from Earth.

...

The following morning, Casey woke up early, had breakfast on her own, and went out for a run. Running on a long distance would help her clearing her mind. Turning on the app she used to monitor her progress, she noticed that Izzie was out running too. She had already run seven kilometres. And, even if that meant she was already awake, she had not replied to her texts.

"She will think I am obsessed, after yesterday night's messages", Casey thought, checking her shoelaces with a sad look on her face, before starting running on her usual path. She kept on thinking about Izzie, tempted to activate the app to check when she would stop. The constant sense of competition between them was an intriguing element of their relationship, and she was determined to run at least the same distance that Izzie had run that morning. Ironically, she felt obliged to run after her and get her on that same morning, right after having realized that probably the previous night Izzie had slept with Finn. Casey started running faster and faster, and the rhythm of her heartbeat accelerated as well. 

She was jealous. About the fact that Finn had managed to make Izzie his in less than one day, in the same way as Nate had managed to get her back few months earlier. But then Izzie had left Nate and had apologized to her, and she had invented the forehead promise to be close to her lips. Casey had felt a shiver thinking about what would have happened if Elsa had not interrupted them, the same type of shiver she would feel thinking about the moments they had spent holding her hands in her car.

Feeling this way was so wrong. After all, she had spent the night with Evan the day before, and in the past she had not hesitated telling Izzie when she had sex with him, even if she knew that Izzie had just broken up with her boyfriend and she suspected she felt something for her. The more she thought about it, the more she felt breathless, to the point she had to stop running for one moment. Extracting her iPhone from the case she had fixed on her arm, she saw that Izzie had finally replied to her texts.

Casey did not know how to take that answer. She should feel relieved, since Izzie had brought the conversation back to normal. But those messages were so not in line with their usual emotional rollercoaster, that they sounded artificial. In addition to this, they didn't clarify at all what had happened between Izzie and Finn, leaving Casey hanging in doubt. But if she had stopped running to think about it again, she would never get the thought out of her head. She put her phone back in the case, wiped the sweat from her forehead with one hand, and started running again.

...

**Few hours to the race**

It was just few hours before the race. The sun was already up, and Casey had not slept at all that night. She got lost in her thoughts, while Izzie's regular breath in the bed just below hers had made her think that, at least, Izzie had managed to sleep. They had been in L.A. just for a couple of days and so much had happened, already. Their rancorous exchange in the dorm's corridor, her little lie about the Lakers jersey. Dancing together at the party, another missed kiss. Penelope and Quinn's chat, that Casey could not get out of her mind, since what they had said seemed so close to reality. Penelope had almost threatened her or, to better put it, she had made her understand that Izzie was really going crazy for her, and things could not continue like this. At home, Evan didn't know anything and had not understood anything about what was going on. And, that morning, there was a race, the two hundred meters, and she was the favourite on this distance. But Casey knew that this time it would be hard for her to give her best on track after such a terrible night.

In that moment, Penelope's phone rang. It was the alarm. Casey leant from the upper bed and looked down, at the bed of her teammate.

"It's seven o'clock – Penelope whispered, looking back at her with sleepy eyes – I am going to take the bathroom".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be like Evan, don't take the wheel if you have drunk too much wine, even if he is a good guy and did it for Casey and here nothing goes wrong.
> 
> A few things happened during the girls' summer and if you want to go over it again you can re-read Casey's summer chapters, which are my favourites for now together with chapter 3 and 4. Bear with me for the next chapters, we are still missing all the fireworks.
> 
> I am sorry it took so long for me to publish this update. Some of you asked me if I was going to update the English version soon, as you saw that I was moving forward with the chapters on the Italian version of the story (which is published on another platform) but I stopped translating it. My intention has always been to complete the story in both languages so here I am. Sorry if I kept you waiting.
> 
> Thanks to those who patiently waited, and to those who read, voted, commented and shared, and thanks to Adam from Sex Education who interpreted Finn in this story.
> 
> Hope you liked it.


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